My husband hates me. Â He says I am so fat that he does not want to be with me anymore. Â He tells me am useless and incompetent and the world would be better without me. Â I just wish I was someone else.
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You tell him to get a grip! You are his wife! That is not right! Im only sixteen and I know thats wrong! You both got married “for better or worse”.
Does he say this all the time, or was it in the heat of the moment? Sometimes we say things that we don’t mean when we’ve lost control.
No, he says it constantly. All the time. He calls me fat and makes fun of me. Everything even a walk in the park is linked to my weight. I don’t see a way out.
Thanks determined_rebel. Yep it’s not right.
DUMP HIM! ha. I know its not as simple as that though. Maybe you should try to talk it out? Would that help any?
no way to support myself.
Dont you have a job? A family member or friend?
Is this crude and distasteful sense of humour you describe something that has always existed, or is it a behaviour of his that he has developed sometime into your marriage? Have you tried – as determined_rebel suggested – being explicit about how it makes you feel?
Trust me, you’re husband doesn’t hate YOU, he hates himself!!! I am embarrassed to admit, I used to be that way with my husband & anyone else I could abuse because causing a loved one pain was so much easier than turning my focus inward and focusing on what I needed to fix in ME! You should not hate yourself or your husband, you should pity him because of how pathetically weak he is right this moment! I hope you realize no matter what you weigh or how you look, you are the same wonderful person this sick individual fell in love with. I am sure he saw a strength in you he knew he would need in the future. I hope you can be strong and be there to support him in his weakness, but if not, no one would blame you for needing to heal yourself first! Good luck & just know that even perfect strangers are pulling for you & wishing you the best!
He has been like this since shortly after we got married. He knows how I feel. I try to think of him as sick and I married him for the long haul. He tells that he is embarrassed by me…I don’t know.
Thanks for all of your support. Maybe I will log in tomorrow
He is embarrassed by HIMSELF! Trust me! Good luck….
We worry that you will start to believe him, to internalize his untruths.
Boundaries are sometimes needed in relationships to create safe spaces for love to flourish.
You deserve a loving safe relationship free from verbal abuse.
Peace
Try to get him to go to solo and couples counseling to see what his issues are.
And if he refuses and that does not work it may be prudent for you to distance yourself temporarily or for good.
I know you want to be married for the long haul but it is not worth the verbal abuse.
Because if it keeps up you may fall victim to believing it.
at first glance of ur story i was sreaming “DIVORCE!”, but tht should be a last resort. first u should ask him what his true problem is, and the real reason why he is treating u this way. then there is always marital counseling, if none of that works ask him this question “do u want to be with me?”, the answer may hurt but its something that is needed to know. if he says yes, than you tell him to get his act together.. nd actually mean it. if he says no… then leave, never stay where your not wanted!… move on.. you will find someone who will love you for your mind, body, and soul. if you do leave and have no way to support yourself… get a job! get back on your feet. if he doesnt want you to work for some lame excuse its because that way he will be sure that you will have NOTHING without him…. show him wrong and be a INDEPENDENT WOMAN! 🙂
I know its been 10 days since my last post. I appreciated everyone’s support. I wish I could get out of this situation. Thanks again