I am sixteen years old and I have been chronically depressed for atleast three years. I am emotional disconnected from everything and feel empty all the time. I have tried committing suicide three times, each time more successful than the last (my attempts failed because I didnt know what I was really doing rather than me not wanting to die). I became a cutter last year to deal with my emotional pain. I have not been accepted by other people ever since I was little, IÂ dont have many friends, and I can not trust people.
I was locked up when people found out about my cutting and suicide attempts. All I got out of that experience was nightmares and a prescription for Celexa. I lost one of my three best friends during the last couple of months because she couldn’t handle the situation I was in, even though she promised me in the beginning she would help me and be there for me.
I am trying to get rid of my habit of cutting and my suicidal thoughts, but as time goes on my situation seems to get worse. I have turned to drugs and drinking to help me forget all the painful things in my life. There are so many days that I can’t even get out of bed without wondering why I’m still here or why I should be making an effort at all. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve given up on ever finding a way out of this, I don’t know what to do anymore.
2 comments
hi, determined_rebel… Writing here is a good first step. Knowing that things are happening is a good first step. Sometimes, like you wrote, knowing how to help yourself is the really difficult part. I hear ya on that… I have quite a bit on my plate. Solving it has always proven tricky.
Is there a counselor at school you can speak with? You mentioned that you had received a prescription for Celexa… Can you follow up with that doctor? I know that you’re 16 and your family would have to help with that. Drugs and drinking aren’t the answer… and I know that you know this. At 16, you’re building a foundation for your future… School is so important right now. In a few years, you’ll begin down a path of independence. That’s why it’s important to make the effort now. Anything that has happened or that is going on can be worked on.
I know you lost a friend… I’m sorry about that. Are there activities you can do to meet new people? It would be nice to meet some new friends…. and it would also result in less time for things that might not be the best for you. Everything that happens in your life begins with you… If you’re determined to move forward, you can begin the process of doing so.
I go to a very small private school, we don’t have a school counselor. I do go to therapy but they haven’t done anything to help with the medicine. My family doesn’t understand me, when my mom found out about my suicide attempts and cutting, instead of being understanding or trying to help she screamed at me and other things.
I can’t meet new people very often because I am overprotected and kept sheltered from the world, though my parents don’t know that I am partying and doing other things.