Me…

I see. You feel conflicted because you are unable to understand yourself? The fact that you hide your feelings show that you care about others. You don’t want to see them sad when they see you sad… or maybe you are just insecure. Either way… keeping these thoughts to yourself is what makes these feelings grow. The feelings of labeling yourself as a loser. An idiot. A cutter. Defeated and negative and sad and pretending. These are all labels that you can change for yourself.

I’m not expert on how to live life myself, but I want you to live. Why? It’s not simply because I don’t wish ill-fate on most people (especially strangers) or that I pity you… It’s because you seem like such a lively person. In the way that you describe yourself… you put effort into it. The fact that you are even using this forums is an accomplishment. So… I have something to ask of you.

If you feel as though life isn’t worth living; That being at peace forevermore in an eternal sleep is better than having to go through what you go through… then go outside and just stare at the sky/clouds. Breathe in deeply as you think of whatever you wish to think of when you are alone… and ask yourself: “Why am I here?”

That’s the question that stumped me when I was most depressed. I would ask myself what was my purpose for being here? Was it to terminate myself and leave painful scars on those who loved me most? I began to feel as though I had a duty to uphold… that, even if this world seemed dark and gloomy, I would live to lift others on my shoulders and help them out of their pain.

You may not be that way. You may be a loser. An idiot. A cutter. A defeated, negative, sad, depressed poser. You may be everything and nothing in the whole world. But that’s all up to you. If you keep to yourself and think upon your deepest fears and indulge in your sorrow, then it will only grow until you finally let go.

In the end… I can’t force you to not end your life. All I can say is that, as a complete stranger, I feel that you deserve to stay awake.