when heart takes out the brain, it gets dangerous

Now I think a little bit different about my life. My life is lonely. I should never trust someone, so I can’t get hurt. Even if someone wants to meet me, I shouldn’t trust them. Never trust someone a single word about feelings or opinions. I must become cold so I can’t get hurt again.

People aren’t continuous. They come and go like they want. Speak to you when they want, obviously nearly no one here at university wants to speak to me, but I am also not interested in talking to people who can’t understand me the slightest. Maybe they will come into my live when I need them or just check out who I am and leave again because of something I don’t know, apparently someone left me when I needed her (really? wasn’t she the reason for my sadness? I have to admit it. She was…). Do I really need her? Wasn’t it a good thing to leave me alone? She was the only real friend I had, and now she is gone…I should never let someone come so close to me ever again. They manipulate me. They can easily change my mind. They make me feel worse. Never ever again I should trust strangers or friends. Mom and dad didn’t disappointed me by now, but they have become strangers to. I don’t like their lives. Actually I prefer being here at university on my own and alone, not at home with them. My heart took out my brain twice and I was destroyed to the ground twice. I am the weakest if I follow my heart. Just fuck my heart. It must be great to be as cold as some people are. Alone but not lonely. I always wanted to be like my love. So cold…. emotionless, unsteady, lying to other people, using them for own advantage and not caring at all. To have such a character is a great advantage in this world and you can’t get hurt because you just give a fuck about other peoples feeling. That should become my new aim in life…