Confusing realisations

I was in such a good place today. I was laughing with others and getting really involved with life.
Then, i realised i will always be different. Which i completely accept.

I made a joke today, everyone laughed and they kept talking about it for ages. It made me feel so happy. I was so happy that the first thing i said to myself after things died down was “Can’t wait to cut myself tonight”. I smiled and thought. ‘Wow, i’ve come to the point where i associate all happiness with self mutilation, and more surprisingly i accept that’

A very weird day of realisation.  But more importantly not a sad one.