im scared

I can relate. I had left high school with NO friends. They were very good with me at first and i could relate to them ALOT but as they just became more popular i was drown out. It hurt and still does. I made one friend while being in the navy because he is not out to fuck everyone over for the fun of it like any other sailor. But I can’t tell him that i hate life this much and that i will kill myself when i go on terminal leave ( last vacation while on active duty) . I can’t tell my dad or my sister, anyone, because if i do they will call the cops and have me locked in a mental asylum and i will lose everything and i wouldn’t be able to afford my guns and ropes and my car as to which I am going to do the deed with. Or maybe the cops will just take my guns and my car.

But when i feel fear or uncertainty i turn to myself and my own beleif ; i exit this world i will have riches and freedom and all the good things that i have managed to squeeze out of this world to bring with me to live without time and decay,
I will be free. That is what i tell myself more and more. I have to focus on that and let it become inspiration in my heart. It is the only way i am going to finish doing what little i love on this world so i can bring it to my world and never forget about it.