some of my friends think I’m getting worse.. i can feel it too… it so hard! why is it have to be hard! ya no body said life would be easy. but i never thought it would be this hard…
my “group” of friends all know what they want to do when they’re older and done high school…. but i have no clue! and ya i know I’m only 14 and i have LOTS of time to figure it out. but do i really? high school goes by so fast… soon i’ll be in grade 12 and still with no idea what to do….
its just scary.. I’m kinda getting a wake up call i guess.. my life sucks! ppl say enjoy life now while you can… but i can’t and i feel I’m missing out! all i want is to get better and be happy like i use to be…. i could always see the happy side to something but now its like i don’t care enough to try.. I’m pathetic…. i haven’t purged in a while.. which is good i guess… tho i have been hurting myself.. its the only pain i can control… I’m so alone yet i know theres ppl just like me and some of my friends are there for me… I’m just so scared…im scared of myself… and what I’m capable of doing… i am no longer afraid to die… i don’t even look when i cross the street anymore… i just go.. and ya i don’t think i wanna die… but i know some part of me does.. and yes I’m scared of that but I’m not scared of death… sometimes i wish i could get cancer or something. ya i know, how could i wish for something like that. but please don’t judge me becuz u wouldn’t understand… thats all i have to say….
-RawrImaTurtle!…
ps: i want to be something more than a depressed bulimic suicidal teenager…. tho i have no energy to do this.. and how can i when I’m not happy anymore?
4 comments
When you are young you end up in situations that are artificially created like school, social circles and home environment. You have very little control over this and are forced into thinking that there is nothing else out there. You don’t have the knowledge or experience to deal with the things that occur in this space because that’s all you know. It’s like joining a football team where you resile to the bench, how do you ever know how good you are. There are things that you might be unhappy about but those won’t always change. Your attitude toward them will. If you have a setback, accept it for what it is and understand that it was a necessary part of life. I can’t wave a magic wand and make this go away, I would if I could. So, you will have to make some progress on your own. Psychologically, when you know that something is making you unhappy, you get stuck in a pessimistic state of mind which is normal. But there are lots of things out there that you are yet to experience. I know lots of people who are far from perfect yet they seem to march on regardless. The only difference between them and us is that we hurt ourselves. Why should it always be that way. We won’t let it.
I’m the exact same way… I’m fourteen as well and I keep telling myself that I have time to figure things out. But the truth is, I don’t. I’m graduating in three years. I’ve come to realize that my life pretty much sucks. Life, in general, sucks. We all die in the end. There isn’t any way around it.
I guess the only advice I can give you is to live one day at a time. Don’t get too caught up trying to plan your future. Live for right now. Be grateful that you have friends who care about you and will support you through this. Things will get better.
Thank u that meant a lot! Both of u!
You’re welcome. If you ever need to talk just message me. 🙂