I Feel Like Shit A Lot, But That Never Stops Me.
I still live my life every day to the best of my ability. My last day of school was today. I’m going into 10th grade. My freshman year was bad…I realized so much. I’ve turned into a person I promised myself I never would. It’s tough. It seriously hurts. I really do wish I could go back & change many of my mistakes, and I usually don’t say that. At the beginning of the year, things weren’t as bad. I was just getting used to high school. But, at the end of October, my dad died. That sent the biggest rush through me. Everything went downhill from there. I had so much guilt built up inside of me, because I had just seen him 3 months earlier for the first time in a few years! The worst pain you can feel is when someone dies, especially one of your own parents. I started to turn to boys to deal with my grief and pain. I’ve always done that..I’ve let them walk ALL over me & use me..I was nothing. In February, I got into trouble because my family found out what I had been up to. I disappointed everyone. myself, my friends, my family, everyone. Till this day, I still feel horrible. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get over this. I’ve lost so many friends this year, too. Not exactly sure why, it just happened..I hate this feeling. But, I know in the long run it’ll make me much stronger. thank you & please leave comments , <3
3 comments
10th and 11th grade were ok thankfully. 9th grade I did what you did but more to hide my true sexuality and to blend in. I didn’t have sex but I tried to date them in school but I just get beaten pushed around or laughed at. I nearly had a close call but I’m very thankful I was built physically strong than most females my age so I escaped. I don’t know the loss of a parent in a literal sense. My aunt was like my mother when I was younger. She was nurturing, wise, and knew me through to the soul. She was of course elder and I had met her a day before she died. She was in pain and frail and stubborn too lol, but she loved me and them even though my folks tried to bad talk her. I cried for so long after that. And when my folks trashed talked her habits instead of letting her rest I just yelled and cried in my room. They didn’t understand. I wish you luck in school I know it won’t be a cake walk, I just hope in the end you will be one of the lucky ones. Who’ll find a real friend just to help get through high school. If they last beyond that it’s a true bonus. Life throws lots of curveballs. And if you catch it I’ll be thankful to have known you as you move on in life.
Awe thank you for the comment! I appreciate it girl! I’m still young & have three years of high school left, I just feel like I wasted my 9th grade year away & did things that I now regret. My grades are still super high & I excel in academics which is one of the only things that keeps me motivated. I’m sorry for the loss of your aunt! ): The same thing happened with my dad, my family had bad talked him because of how much of a bad person he was .. he never took responsibility for me & my sister, but after he died, I realized to let that all go & be thankful for what I had. Your advice was great, again thank you 🙂 Good luck to you too!
You’re very welcome Aamber and I’ll just keep moving on best I can.