I haven’t posted for a while,
Not a lot has changed I’ve began to see a psychologist again. But the reasons for that boil down to the decision I made on last weekend.
I couldn’t cope anymore, as my last post states.. I didn’t know if I would attempt again.. But something set me off on Friday.
At first I tried to squash the thought out of my head..
But it kept coming back. It felt just like any other day lately.. Dull, boring and grey. I walked into the pharmacy at the end of my street, placed my script on the bench and nodded at the pharmacist, he handed me my sleeping pills, vallium and 2 packs of advanza.
I paid and left. As I got home I turned my phone off.. As I sat there in silence my brain was going 100 mph.. I lit up a ciggarette to calm my nerves. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I refuse to live anymore. So I cracked open all the packets of pills. Threw them in my mouth and washed them down with a bottle of scotch.
Half an hour past.. I felt nothing. So I began writing a suicide note..
Halfway through the note.. I began feeling faint. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. Then I blacked out. I woke up 18 hrs later.. In hospital.
Apparently they pumped my stomach.. Mum had come home and found me called an ambulance because I wasn’t breathing.
I guess it just isn’t my time yet… I’m getting tired of trying.
Empty_Soul
6 comments
how old are you?
22, Ive moved out twice, but recently moved back home to try and save money. Why?
remember you have my email can always use it 🙂
Are you disappointed that they revived you and pumped your stomach?
Well yeah I am fairly disappointed to still be here. I’ve been struggling for well over 7 years now. Attempted multiple times.
It wasn’t until I hit 35 that I quit trying. I have two kids and still tried. Multiple times. Some ended in the hospital others didn’t. Almost succeeded twice. I’m 45 this year and every once in a while I still get the idea but then I think it through and am able to push it aside. I dont know that I have ever been happy…. But I have been content. I think happiness is More of a moment to moment state of mind. Anyway, I will admit that overall… I guess I’m glad I didn’t succeed because then I wouldn’t have gotten a chance to figure myself out and learn to like who I am. For the most part.. Anyway.