Well I posted last night “still alive but I’m barely breathin”
The time has come now. I have the house to myself. The hardest part was making the knot on the hangmans noose but thats accomplished. Now I’m taking a smoke break because that was exhausting. After this cigarette I am going to make the note to attach to the door saying “do not enter, horrific scene inside, just call 911, DO NOT ENTER” then I am going to attach the rope to the ceiling after I move the furniture a bit so I have nothing to try to stand on in the event panic sets in. Then I will get on the chair say my final prayer to god and push the chair outta the way and hope for the best.
Goodbye friends I’m sorry I have only had such a short time on this site it would have been helpful but I am past that point now.
Godbless, Brittany
18 comments
Goodbye. May u go to Heaven where God be with u. I will join u, no, we will, soon enough
dont do it yet maybe we can talk About suicide i want to end my life to
godspeed brit
I don’t know if you’ll find happiness, but i hope you find peace.
Goodbye, Brittany. Hope your descent will be swift.
blessings … I hope you find your peace … I fear the truth is you will simply cease to exist … which may be relief enough.
all the best
dawg
You’ll be good, look for the Light. Blessings.
wait Brittany, I’m not going to tell you not to do it and come up with some pathetic reason as to why you shouldn’t do it or tell you how the world is such a good place to live in or for you to think about the pain and suffering your bringing to your friends and family. I read your last post too. I think our stories are quite similar. When i was 14 i tried stabbing myself to death. 5 years on the world isn’t sunshine and rainbows but I’m much better. I’ll be lying to you if i didn’t think about doing it every now and then. It was religion that saved me. You also pray. My advice is to pray during the last past of the night when nobody is around just you and God. I wish you all the best in your decision but if you decide to wait let me know. X
Well the first time I tried I didn’t calculate the rope length properly as you need to put it up higher because once the noose is tightened around the neck theres more space so when I jumped my feet landed on the floor. So I redid it to the proper length this time for full certainty and I was very scared like terrified and I started to push the chair which is on rollers (not a good choice) and I basically got incredibly scared and chickened out! I released myself and got off the chair and grabbed the phone to call a friend and went outside to smoke. then as my friend advised I toIok the rope down and put the furniture back in order then started on my chores. I can’t really believe this. Its too late now the stuff is all put away and my aunt will be here anytime. I can’t believe I failed at this, I am a true failure at EVERYTHING. including my own suicide! geeze! If I had got it right the first time when I had the balls to do the muthafuka I would be dead right now! fucking A man! I’m so mad and disappointed at myself! BUT its not over yet. Back to the drawing board I suppose. I still have the plan B of antifreeze but I would need to be alone for several days to do that so thats out I guess. BUT I still have the noose in tact so I am going to try again at a later time. probably the next time I get the house to myself. Which will be in a few days. This isn’t over! I lost the battle of fear this time, but I wont loose again. If nothing life changing happens in the next few days (which I highly doubt) then I will try it again. I feel like such a fool! gosh damnit! Well my aunt just walked in the door and all the evidence is hidden and I hid the rope burn with make up. I just need to do more planning. I hope the third time is the charm!
<3
hey can i have your email address? 🙂
britndut@aol.com
Continue on. I hope you success.
Thanks for the support guys… I was expecting everyone to be like you suck your such an idiot n such. I will get it right eventually.
Really, I thought that I died already… Anyway, try harder ok?
Thank you, I will. Its just not as easy as I thought it would be. It wasn’t death that I was scared of at all, it was the thought of how painful it would be to be thrashing around and the rope did hurt so I expect it would not be pleasant at all. But I just have to remember, that I will most likely become unconscious between 1-3 mins at most. All be it a veryyy long 1-3 mins. I can do it I have attempted one other time before this and had no problem moving the chair outta the way but the rope broke the vent and I went to the floor. Idk why my fear is crippling me now. All I know is the next time I do this wont be for nothing. I think I can take a few mins of pain to get rid of a lifetime of of pain seems easy right? but theres so many what ifs. what if I dont loose consciousness what if i’m thrashing in agony for 20 mins. I really need some advice from someone who knows alot or anything on this method. I just need to ease my fears I want to know exactly what to expect. I will continue research and the next time I post If you don’t hear back from me you will know I succeed on my journey.
failure?!? no no no … you’re looking at it all wrong … it’s valuable research and testing that gave you volumes of valuable information! … perspective is everything … try looking for positive take away’s from each situation. Every inventor learns from things not working the way he/she expects.
test dawg
I don’t claim to “know” anything about this … only what I “know” from research. First … the “thrashing” comes from lack of oxygen … or more specifically the build up of CO2 carbon dioxide in the system – the thrashing is the body’s emergency response … it’s pretty involuntary … you can test this simply by holding your breath or submerging in a pool (but make sure you surface before taking a breath – water in the lungs is very unpleasant) … so you won’t end up “thrashing for 20 minutes” if you’re you’re still awake after about 5-7 minutes, you are getting “enough” O2 (oxygen) … of course you may not be very comfortable hanging by your neck.
wherever you decide to attach your rope – test it against your weight … i hate to say it because I know you’re hurting right now, but I hope your fear turns your mind to thinking of alternatives to improve your life instead of hastening your death
care dawg