I don’t know if this is the right place to be posting, but I’m on the edge, I don’t know where else to go. I used to be happy and normal but things are just falling apart. I have a wonderful family, I have friends, I’m looking at a fine life ahead of me, but I don’t want any of it… I’ve just been miserable lately and nobody understands… (I’m sure someone on here will.) They ask me how I can be so depressed when life is so good, and that’s the thing, I don’t know the answer. That’s what kills me. What’s making me so sad all the time? Sometimes I think about ending everything, but I’m holding onto hope. I’ve turned to family, friends, sex, doctors, drugs, cutting. Nothing is okay no matter what I do. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. The only real thing that has stopped me from it is my fiance.
What if it becomes overwhelming?  Is there anyone out there who will listen? Or am I just another floating piece of dust in the world?…
29 comments
i will listen, u can e-mail me if u wanna: hannahschelling.15@gmail.com
We’re all floating pieces of dust in the wind. We’re specks on a faint blue speck floating around a larger glowing ball of burning plasma. Life can still be fun as a speck on a speck, though.
My conclusion is that life is overwhelming because it’s confusing. It’s confusing because things are so monolithic, so freaking massive that – what’s a speck on a speck to do about it all? Half of it is impossible for such a speck to comprehend. But there are other specks who care. These are the specks you want to look out for and keep around you. It helps knowing there are other specks who feel a similar way as you do.
Just the thoughts of a fellow speck.
Thanks. Things just get so hard and it starts to feel pointless, when you can’t find the answers and you can’t control yourself, it’s all so hard to comprehend that I feel like I just want to know what comes next, maybe things are better on the other side, or maybe we just disappear, but sometimes both of those things sound nice. Thank you for caring.
This life has all you need. It’s everywhere around you, all the time. Nature is an amazing thing and part of that complexity is the wonder it generates when you learn something new. I’ve given up trying to understand society – it moves too fast and leaves me feeling even more confused than I was before I started – but nature is relaxing, and much more fulfilling.
Did you know there’s a species of bamboo which grows 3 meters every 24 hours? Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Watching the grass grow.” So much more fascinating than all the complexities of daily life. The wonder of that world is a life-affirming thing because it is life. On a pale blue speck, floating around a giant ball of flaming plasma.
I just want to run far away from society and live in the woods, never have to see any of these people again.
You and me both. LOL
…go and make a house out of freakishly fast-growing bamboo or something.
What’s going on that’s making you feel that way? If you don’t mind talking…
would you say you have a strong feeling of wanting to go home ?
(home being somewhere outside this world)
Yeah, basically. I really don’t know, to be honest. I just feel like I was born into the wrong universe or something, everything is so f****d up. I always want to go “home,” but I never know where that is, so I get overwhelmed and feel like it’s the last thing left. (Death.)
I drove halfway across the country looking for home, and when I got back to where I started, I found it’s not home, either. Home is wherever you are right now. The wold is all screwed to hell, but it’s also really good and full of things that make it worth living in. It’s just a matter of looking for them, and they’re usually closer than you think.
What about when those things don’t make you happy enough? When you know something is wrong with you and no one can fix you, and you can’t control it?
maybe I can relate to some extent
I started to detach from this world in 06 and I’ve been wanting to ‘go home’ for 3+ years .. I feel like I’ve lived a billion lives, I have this urge to be done with life and it keeps growing regardless of what’s going on in my life, my moods etc .. I don’t feel truly connected to people nor driven to accomplish anything like I used to .. the old, functional me is dead
maybe it’s a sign my time is coming, maybe I actually must proceed with suicide .. the problem with suicide is people in my entourage would never understand
You are your self; you aren’t your thoughts, or your beliefs. You aren’t the mistakes you’ve made. You are your self. There’s nothing more or less wrong with you than any other person.
Might it be that you’re feeling anxiety between what other people want from you, and who you want to be? Feeling a loss of control because it seems that what people expect from you is overriding and constant?
Just hang on its a passing thing
That’s a great way to explain it.
Thanks, guys. At least it’s nice to know I’m not alone and someone understands and cares.
You guys are starting to sound like Emerson. Haha returning to nature i hope you all read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Returning to the natural order back to nature and all it’s glory.
AtTheEnd; heck yes. I love that book! 😀
And Walden. Always a classic.
Another good one; Harlan Hubbard, by Wendell Berry. That one’s probably the best of the bunch.
Ooooo i only read self-reliance for school. We briefly went over walden i believe. I should read them o:
If you read any of ’em, check out Harlan Hubbard – that guy is my hero. 😀
Dude, On Walden Pond, was ridiculous.
There’s like 3 chapters dedicated to the ants walking across the window.
I can appreciate fine literature from Emerson, Thoreau and even Hubbard, but a little action never hurt anyone.
An excellent book about self discovery in the vast wilderness is Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer.
Back to the subject at hand, just breathe.
I’m not saying things will get better, but breathing will make them more bearable.
I agree – Thoreau gave me issues with boredom from time to time, but I can appreciate it for his observation skills and his writing skills alone. Civil Disobedience is an excellent piece of writing just for the content.
Have you read Hubbard? And Into The Wild – I’ve been trying to pick a copy of that book up forever. lol Haven’t read it yet.
I’ve read quite a bit of Hubbard.
Before my grandfather passed away, he gave me an original Hubbard painting that he had acquired in New Orleans.
Naturally, the first Hubbard book I read was Shantyboat.
I’ve also read his journals.
I enjoy his writing style.
And you really need to find a damn copy of Into The Wild. Hah.
Definitely one of my top ten favorite books.
And I’m a reading fool.
Holy bejeezus. I have never found another soul who even knows who he is. When it rains, it pours, I guess. 😀
Have you read Berry’s biography of Hubbard? It’s a short book, but it’s the first thing I ever read on the guy’s life and it sucked me in immediately.
I read anything and everything.
I probably never would have known about Hubbard if it wasn’t for my gramps.
But I’m pleased that I came across him, that’s for sure.
I haven’t read that, yet!
But I guarantee I’ll get around to it.
Bizarre that it takes a suicide forum to find another Hubbard reader. Haha.
I dunno if it’s a sad fact, or a happy twist of fate… lol
But regardless, it’s good to meet a fellow reader. 😀 There are too few left in the world.
Small world.
Sorry, we kind of derailed your thread…. :/
I’d like it to be noted that I tried jumping back on subject.
That’s okay, guys. Literature is important and interesting. 🙂