It is terrible to live with so much tension. I have had so much psychiatric treatment that my mind is going blank and it is difficult to think creatively anymore. My family doctor has also recommended that I belong to the addictions population, the people that have severe difficulties in life. I have so much trauma that I wish to kill myself, except I am afraid of pain. My parents are aging and when they get older, according to Chinese custom, I may not be able to take care of them; rather, their care may belong to someone else. I am hated by many – no one believes that I have a religious conviction – everyone believes that I am a terrible person.
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Hey, that’s a moving post. Doctors best be treated as consultants…you are the decider of what is & what isn’t for you. Why buy into someone’s sentence of where you belong?
I appreciate your expression of where you’re at. I have gone through, & continue to experience many states of despair & disorientation, but I focus on my faith…I refrain from believing anything negative or untruths that enter my head.
I am not a reflection of my experience nor what anyone thinks or has to say about me…& neither are you. If you believe in prayer, ask to be supported & to release any fears about the future & know you’re parents & especially your lovely self will be cared for. Know this…fear is about the future, but it is all happening now, so if you can stay in the present moment…just breathe & do your best to release resistance/negativity within yourself. It’ll create space for a positive flow, you deserve this. Take good care.