I know my last post was only a couple of hours ago, but something’s really bugging me and I was just wondering if anyone else has had the same experience. I guess I’ll put some background information for those who don’t know, but the question relates to any circumstance or scenario. Last year I was raped and nearly gang raped (I’m hoping as few of you as possible have been through that) and obviously most of it has stuck with me. But one of the details that has stuck with me most is what the guy who actually raped me said at the beginning.
“Don’t hold back. We all know you want a man like me, not a boy like *insert my friend’s name here*.”
Is it weird that such a not exactly small, but not as graphic and terrifying thing has stuck with me the most? And have you guys ever had a scenario where a smaller detail or thing has stuck with you just as much, if not more than the bigger thing?
11 comments
Yes but nothing like this.
My guess but I’m not a therapist that these words hurt more then the terrible actions cause they are filled with blame. Your rapist wanted to ease his conscious and probably excite himself with these words. Making you feel some how like it is your fault. Therefore the words have caused you greater harm then the rape. You need to be resured this WAS NOT your fault. Who ever did this is a monster and no words he said can change that fact
Jules Xxx
Thank-you. It’s taking a while, but slowly I’m accepting that none of it was my fault. Your comment makes a lot of sense and is probably true.
First – let me say how sorry I am for your trauma – i couldn’t imagine enduring such violence clearly the perpetrator is someone known to you and/or your friend – hopefully that has helped to id him and bring him to justice. that said – my following comments have to do with having a small “detail’ of something stick out above the larger “something” in a much more innocent and benign way …songs … music.
I tend to find some of the songs I like “best” are songs that have one note or one small run of notes that hits a “sweet spot” in my brain – the whole rest of the song can be average bu that ONE solitary note – in context, is phenomenal and makes the song ‘great” in my mind. it makes no sense – and in some cases those notes are not even technically difficult or even correct – but they are brilliant and perfect.
it happens, i think, within all of us, for many different things and circumstances both good and bad. Like some guys find that beauty mark/mole on a woman’s face wildly attractive – i do not, but i knew a girl who would use makeup to put one on ala Marilyn Munro – i guess it has something to do with the way our brains process data that just “works” for each individual.
so to answer your question – no – it’s not “weird” – i think i is a way for us to handle specific data in a way that is most palatable or least traumatic to our brains.
one dawg
I had a similar experience as a teenager. Too much to drink, lost my virginity. It was at least one guy, maybe 3. And yeah… its something stupid that bugs me. Maybe its the brain’s way to protect against the larger trauma? And what he said to you was definitely trying to shift blame and be cruel. Probably something the loser heard in a movie and couldn’t wait to use in real life. Pathetic SOB most likely would jerk to it and his own reflection.
“Things Behind the Sun” is a movie where the girl was raped. You might find interesting.
It sounds like you knew the person who raped you
I did know him, a few years ago he was friends with my brother and at the time (but no longer is) friends with another friend of mine. And even though I never thought he’d go this far, he was the type of guy that even before all this, I wish I never knew.
Whenever you go through a traumatic ordeal like that, your mind, on some level, is trying to make sense out of it. The details you focus on may well evolve in some way as an aspect of your personality, like scar tissue. At least, that’s my experience with it. I wrote a posting about my “little” thing the other day – Blessed Curse.
That makes a lot of sense. I’ll be sure to read your posting because it sounds interesting
When I was younger I was molested by a friend’s dad. As he walked away all he said was “It’s okay”, and that was the worst part.
I think it’s the little things they say that bother you the most because it’s the stuff that makes you question reality. You can think about those words in so many different ways, but you need to just see it for what it is – The person who abused you was just trying to be harmful and had no meaning behind it. Why dwell? (rhetorical question.. I know it’s hard, just try not to over do it!)
I hope you’re feeling better soon. Best of luck.
thank-you. I will take your advice and not try to dwell on it too much 🙂