In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]
Tag:
Circumstance
who ever reads this, Hi to you.
I salute myself that I have got the courage to create an account and post my first story that I always kept in my heart. My story in short, I still LOVE him. I spent the best five years with him and all of a sudden we broke up and we both love each other, shall I blame it to the circumstance? or blame us?
Now two years past, my feelings are the same. I LOVE HIM. no day passes without thinking of him and checking all his social media accounts 🙁
Tell me how can I ignore my heart and move […]
(A lot of the things I have to say in this post are comments I have already made in replies to posts by others. If something I say seems familiar to you, you probably read one of my previous comments.)
I once heard someone say that for some people, this world was never going to be quite right. I agree with that assesment. I see many people here on this site just like me. They feel alone, even in a room full of people. Somehow, no matter what we do, we just don’t fit into “the groove” that everyone else seems to. Because of this, everyone […]
Ever since I was 12 I wanted a wife, kids, and to be a doctor.  It was the perfect life to me, to have all that happiness as soon as possible.  I’m with the girl of my dreams, the girl who can be the one.  She even use to say she wants all of that…with me.  Starting two months ago though she seems to be ignoring me and not talking to me like she use to.  The anniversary rituals seemed to have stopped.  I went to the hospital today and she was worried and was talking to me more than she has been.  It made […]
I remember the way your hair looked in rollers the first night you slept in your new room. You had bags under your eyes just like your dad, and I kinda knew why. I always seem to just know. The comforter on the bed was thin and had strange pink and blue pastel colored dots or some sort of design. I had no idea what kind of impact you would have on my future. The entire time I knew you I didn’t get a glimpse of what was bothering you, I just saw how it made you feel. If there was anything I could have […]
Hi everyone, here is something that I wrote within the past week awhile contemplating my way out and was going to post it on another site but then got thinking about the Suicide Project. It is kind of lengthy.
Subject: Suicide thoughts; The Pros and Cons…according to me. Â 1/2/13
What circumstance(s) often lead to the act of suicide? Loss of a child? Financial problems? Marital problems? Dating problems? Depression and drug use among many other things. Old age coupled with loneliness and the every day pains that old age brings on. Is suicide truly an act of hurting oneself? In my opinion it depends a lot […]
Please keep yourselves alive, for although your present circumstance might seem helpless and hopeless, it most likely will change for the better, and at least give yourselves the opportunity to cultivate abstract hope in the absence of hope, for this shall help you ride out the hopelessness of a future down cycle.
I am in a circumstance where I must be euthanized before I end up as gravely disabled in the state institution with a Foley catheter (since it would be the least expensive option for the state, and they don’t give a fu*k about my sexuality)Â coming out of my penis for life, and I am only 47.
I’ve been browsing here for some time now and I have to say each one of your personal stories have always helped me in some way so much obliged I strongly believe that expressing how you feel can assist you in finding a way to continue if it may only be for a few extra moments. Let me first say you can just call me Chance is a name I’ve aquired over the years for all the triumphs I’ve overcome over the past 10 years or so. I’m like everyone else I’ve loved I’ve lost overcome miscarriages with past relationships, […]
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
I know my last post was only a couple of hours ago, but something’s really bugging me and I was just wondering if anyone else has had the same experience. I guess I’ll put some background information for those who don’t know, but the question relates to any circumstance or scenario. Last year I was raped and nearly gang raped (I’m hoping as few of you as possible have been through that) and obviously most of it has stuck with me. But one of the details that has stuck with me most is what the guy who actually raped me said at the beginning.
“Don’t hold […]
i feel empty. exhausted. so deeply sad.. & mad that nobody i know has the time to care.. despite having felt similar before & me having been there for them.
it is very fucked up.
i still miss the love of my life after 6 years.
but if i did die tomorrow.. i would feel that i had loved & been loved.
now i have ocd/anxiety/depression/phobias/ & what feels like a million more things wrong & a situation that has completely trapped me. i want to scream. i often do.
every time things get a little better.. somehow something else goes wrong & i am […]
To begin, I am fairly misanthropic and disenfranchised due to humanity’s impact on nature and the wildlife that inhabit (or did inhabit in many cases) this once beautiful planet, Â how society is in general, whether it be the intolerance and hate that monotheistic religions have spread for generations (as well as how religious teachings dominate our political and legal systems despite all of the blatant problems that arise from it), the general lack of concern for our irreversible impacts, our horrible justice systems, our spiraling out of control dependency on technology, etc, etc…. but I also share the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer’s views on misanthropy […]
This place is so familiar, this place that I always come back to. Chainsmoking my way through a lonely night, endlessly surfing the net to distract my mind. Radio, TV, Twitter, facebook, scroling scrolling, clicking clicking – only turning off the light when I know that sleep will be instantaneous.
I’ve tried blaming it on circumstance, the balance in my bank account, my parents marriage, failed relationships…but this thing, this thing is always with me. I move and it comes with me, I hide, it finds me, I embrace it and it kills me.
I don’t know what it is, restless fatigue and itchy bones […]