i’m completely screwed up

I was just like any other girl in school.. I had my friends, did everything i was told, had a perfectly normal life. Then I started going through a lot of issues, I still don’t know if they were real or if they were all in my fucked up head.
After I started going on some blogs, after I watched a few movies and read a few books, I saw that some people felt more relieved from their problems after they cut themselves. So i decided to give it a try. I still ask myself why, everyday, I decided to give this shitty and horrible addiction a try. At first, I was really scared, so I would just cut a little bit, never too deep, but always deep enough to get my mind off my troubles. After a while, when my problems grew bigger, so did my cuts… They grew bigger and deeper every time. Then I started going to pills.. I never really knew which pills to take, because I was always so scared of death. At first, I was scared of the idea of a suicide and what my parents would think and how they would feel. So I just took a few pain killers and sleeping pills, not much..I started having problems in school and with my friends. One day, after an argument, I took a lot of sleeping pills, but regretted afterwards. I slept a lot. After I woke up, i cut myself. I was going down a path and I didn’t know how to get the fuck out of there. I wanted my old life back. It seemed so perfect, looking now from these suicidal eyes. I started cutting deeper and deeper. My life is going down a drain and I truly want to recover. But at the same time, this is what helps me. After about a month and a half without any cuts on my body, I cut myself today. It hurts a lot. I need help and I dont know what to do. These exit wounds are getting deeper and deeper each time. I’m not proud of what I’ve been going through for the past year or so. Can anyone help me? Before I end my life? I do not want this, but the urge to cut or swallow pills are bigger.
Help.