When I was a happy girl with no trouble everyone said they loved me, everyone wanted my company, but I started falling down, I didn’t do anything wrong it was just “life being a *****”… now I’m so alone… When I said to my friends “I’m sad” I cannot do this anymore” they freaked out and their only answer was: “Stop being so negative” “Don’t ever talk like this again”
So I come here… Lovely poem @sleepykarie91, nothing worst that the feeling of your friends  throwing you to oblivion
14 comments
I don’t have friends but it’s hard making friends because of the way I am..I’m way too depressed for anyone
Anyway I completely understand you
hey sowhat, yeah So what if they don’t get you. that just means you have to find the ones that do get you. You have to understand no one whats to be sad, even you inside want to be happy. So how could a stubborn person allow another to make them sad, they won’t not if they don’t truly care, but some people care and they unable to open up because understanding you fully means they would have to be depress themselves
It can be very hard for people who have no worries to wrap their heads around depression and sadness – it’s not that they “don’t care” it’s just that it’s something they are totally unprepared and ill-equipped to deal with – i’ve tried to gently open the a conversation on the subject with some of my friends – i’m never blunt about it since it is very sensitive – if they “push back” or otherwise respond with awkwardness or avoidance – i side-step the inquiry with – “no no, not me, just sayin what if …’
i’d rather keep the friend and have them in their comfort zone than to lose them altogether and have them freaking out. they’re of no use to me when they handle a situation/subject poorly – but they can still be an oblivious but welcome distraction for me at times … it’s always good to keep those options available if possible.
alternatives dawg
I wish I could trust my friends enough to tell them about what I’m going through but i know they don’t really want to hear it. Right now I still maintain the happy facade around them, too scared to let someone else in. You’ve probably done the “healthy” thing by tryi g to reach out. For that I am filled with admiration for your courage, I know I’m not brave enough to do what you did. Keep looking for a friend that will be there for you. They
They must be out there somewhere, even if we haven’t found them yet.
Soz for two posts, submitted one by mistake and no idea how to edit it.
It is the lack of experience… They never went through it themselves, and they see it all as “childish”.
IMO, I would NOT tell any of my friends, because even the decent ones do not want to hear it… The only person that will want to hear it is someone going through the same problem as you (or similair). My own brothers don’t want to hear it. So I just put a mask on and cover up my problems. Only when I talk to someone I trust, do I open up and take the mask off and show my true self.
For example, the only friend I have to talk to about this stuff is my xgf, because she is on antidepressants as well… Mind you she has PTSD as well, but we still have the same horrid thoughts of cutting and suicide. We understand each other, which is why it’s a shame it didnt work out the first time… But… I recently asked if shes willing to try again (after 6ish years) and we’ll see if she’s ok with it 🙂
And then you have me, who understands depression, despair, etc…, and has not only experienced it, but struggles with it constantly, yet, because of a shorted neural circuitry, can still find humor in most things. And people call it a learning deficit. Silly humans.
My big problem is alienating myself from other people. Learned behavior from childhood; didn’t want people asking awkward questions, or finding out about all the insane BS that went on in my daily life, so I’d push as hard as possible to make them go away. Hard to break out of that habit. I’m extremely good at it. So good, in fact, that I’ve only had one friend since childhood. I’m not sure how he never got the hint. 😛
If I’m allowed to say more…, My father just continues to say “what’s wrong with you, maybe you should go see a doctor. you just have to do something and then you feel better.”
My best friend piss off and said last “re-insure me you going to be safe, and come back, otherwise going kick you in your ass (not that he could), you like a brother to me, that’s selfish of you,” then I reply “don’t you think its selfish of you to ask me to stay like this to be around for others that don’t hardly see me.”
I haven’t met one person with the will to live that wants that fully understand one killing oneself when they appear to be healthy from the outside.
I think that re-assurance thing – E.G. macho-guy-talk stuff – is a fragile cover for insecurity. He probably doesn’t know how else to respond, but still wants to tell you he cares. It happens. I think that’s a male thing more than a cop-out for understanding. I would blame culture, but really, I do the same sort of thing from time to time.
cop-out*
dastardly squirrels have failed me once again.
as a point of reference – being that I’m a middle aged guy – I wanted to make sure that if, by some stroke of luck (i didn’t say it that way). that something should happen to me, I wanted to make sure that my dogs would be cared for
… so I took a card with the contact information o my room mate and told him, “Hey – here’s this card with who to call to take the dogs if you cannot take care of them if something “tragic’ or “sudden’ should happen”
the response was, “Don’t even TALK like that!” which of course now I had to defend and justify why I was even bringing up such a dire subject. I said, “Hey! Of COURSE nothing will happen – but we’re all old and shit (always add “and shit” to bring a dismissive toughness to the discussion) and i’m only letting you know ‘just in case’ i have a heart attack or some such foolishness – not like it’ll EVER happen and shit” (see what I did there?)
But yeah – I think while kids/people are healthy, it is beat into their brains that suicide is a cop-out, cowardly, easy “way out” … so when someone approaches another with it, that becomes the automatic response.
One of my friend’s girl friends actually attempted – and he was PISSED – even TOLD her how “cowardly” she was WHILE she was in hospital!!! (Granted – he’s generally insensitive clod anyway) but FUCK ME!!! Really? … needless to say – she broke up with him … and yeah – I tapped it – but that’s getting off point – her and i had some deep talks about BOTH our feelings and situations … too bad circumstances now have us on opposite shores of an ocean.
my point is that it’s NEVER just “that easy” to talk to ‘someone’ because society is inoculated to automatically assume you got a screw loose … you just need to ease people ever so gently into understanding just how bad you are feeling … a little at a time to feel out what their threshold for tolerance and understanding is
sensitive dawg
hey man, good for you, you tapped that 🙂 lol I cant even get a girl… I dont have the skill… I dont have the social abilities to do something like that.
I agree, everyone is basically brainwashed to automatically think you are selfish, and took the “easy way out” when in reality, they are the selfish ones for expecting you to continue living a life of constant hell and fear…
@dawg: It shouldn’t be so difficult – this kind of subject is absolutely human, and in all reality, is a universal for everyone. I have never once met another person who doesn’t suffer from despair or thoughts of just ending it all, but not everybody will admit to it.
That’s almost the general conditioning people get when it comes to other people, regardless of context. The other is an unknown variable and we’re told from day 1 that there are crazies around every corner, just waiting to kill and eat us.
Suicidality/depression just complicate things that much more. Everyone’s afraid of everyone else – some people are more afraid, or more fear-inspiring than others. Some people are both more afraid and more fear-inspiring – which truly sucks for them.
Frustrating things are frustrating… sorry if I went on a little rail there. I spent the weekend at my friend’s house and we’re a classic case of two bottled-up people who have one-too-many loose screws. lol
I understand. How about when they start telling you you’re acting crazy again, behind your back and in front of you? How about when they call you bipolar only because they really do not understand? I grew up with people who never understood. Even now, they have no idea how complexed my life was been. They think that I am so spoiled; lucky to be the only child. Truthfully, its complicated. Reality has always been a nightmare to me.