Things I almost remember…

I didn’t want to die, I really didn’t… and I still don’t. I just wanted the pain to all go away. The name calling, the threats,  numbness, the lack of a functioning life, the flashbacks and most importantly, the self loathing. So I went to go get the gun. I was so close to getting it when my sister walked in. That’s when I decided I couldn’t do it. God knows what made me decide it. Maybe it was because I know exactly how it feels to lose someone that way, but it was as if I felt something for the first time in over a year. I started getting flashbacks of how I use to be. So happy, so free, just me. After she left, the bad flashbacks came streaming back. I feel so disgusting, angry, sad and all the rest at once. I was tempted to go get the gun again, but then I saw a SP opened tab and I guess I decided I’d give it one more chance. I’m not really sure if it will last, but it’s better than giving up straight away, right?

CPC