thoughts, feelings

i can’t consider myself suicidal but i often feel that life is ultimately unsatisfying and futile. in my observations of humanity i see sickening antics that outweigh the positive. i fantasize of the bliss to be gained by “opting out”, so to speak. then again, i am young, foolish, and have yet to experience what most laud as life’s gems- family, travelling, friends, etc. i am depressed, yes, but not immensely- i continue to live hoping things will improve- i drift, waiting to find a sense of fulfillment, or at least waiting for these feelings to pass