i just want to feel ok, even for once

I ve never really talked to anyone about my story, mainly because the thought of being judged is terrible to me. But I’ve never had an easy life. At 4 years old I can still remember my mom telling me after her nightly screaming arguments with my step dad that she despises me and wished I was never born. Things have always been like that. And so I’m always faced with these deeply underlying issues as I try to live a normal life. When I got away from her at 12 years old, it was only to live with my alcoholic dad who beat me almost everynight for 2 years. High school was great. For once in my life I fit in perfectly l. I was a superstar. But only other people thought that. Deep inside I was always feeling all alone even if I was around the whole school. No body knows what its like. I’ve attempted suicide, I’ve cut myself and left horrible scars that make me feel like I’m the biggest piece of crap there ever could been. Senior year my mom said she didn’t want me anymore, and a very close friend of mine told me to just tell an adult. Well here in Maryland they incarcerate homeless juveniles in a juvenile prison. I spent 3 months in there, failed my senior year, and hung myself in jail. Not once did anyone ever visit me, family or state members to tell me when I was getting out ot to just tell me things are gonna be alright. That was my reprieve that u get when ” you talk with a trusted adult or school official”. Now I’m 19 and live in a motel andd spend all the money I make. Working full tim e paying to live here. And I know nobody reallyy cares and none of th is gonna changw anything that happened I just feel like there’s gotta b more teo life than to relive this cyl e I jurst thought maybe talking about it would help. Maybe I was wrong