i am a pathetic person , i won’t bore you with the details, the important thing is that i am. its who i am and i can’t change it. i can maybe repress it but i can’t change it.
i hate myself because i am who i am, which makes me hate life maybe even more. i am at my wits end, i am in therapy and whenever they think my problems are getting better or aren’t the worst they could be i get really upset. what i want most in the whole world is go through something so terrible, like being abused for years that i’ll just be become numb to everything around me. i don’t care what happens to me, the world will always be like hell to me because i am the person that i am. how do you heal from hating yourself, how do you get better when you only wish you had more pain, how do you get by when all you are ever doing is trying to hurt yourself. the worst thing of all is that i don’t even allow myself to hurt myself because i know it would make me happy! isn’t that really funny! so i came to the conclusion that death is the only way out, but i also somehow know that i can’t do it, i can tell people i want to die but i can’t tell them i am going to kill myself, i just know i am not going to do it
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You were born who you are for a reason. You go through the things you do for a reason. And as hard as it is to see that light at the end of the tunnel, I hope you make it to that point to see how much brighter life can be if you just let it. It takes effort and time, and I know how hard it can be sometimes. But life can be the best thing in the world. You just have to surround yourself with people that love and care about you, and take it day by day. All I can say is, don’t let depression win. It wins over way to many lives. Don’t let it win yours.