I’m not shaking. I’m not crying. I’m already not there anymore. This isn’t happening.
My soul has been killed. And tomorrow my body will escape. I will not use any fucking poison, bag or cord. I will not jump, I will not shock anybody. Do you deserve such a dramatic death? You? No, tomorrow my body will be gone very far away, on the other side of the ocean, he will walk and nature will kill him little by little, his murderer will be the one who gave him birth. I’ll die into the wild.
I’m not a bad guy. But I’m not good enough. Because I can’t be in this world. I ask: “what good is love that no one shares?”. If I had to write a last note, maybe it’s going to surprise you but it would be: “I LOVE LIFE. I REALLY LOVE LIFE”. I mean, don’t you think that some places in the world are magical? That some songs are magical? And women? Women are so beautiful. Their soul can stay pure.
The thing is, I don’t like MY life. I’m just suffering too much when I realize I don’t have a life. And each hour of the day makes me realize that.
3 comments
i understand man, the bad outweighs the good tho dont it, you seem like your talking on a far more broader level than it seems, life eh?
I think I understand what you mean Bruce. I think I’ve felt something very similar. Looking around I could appreciate how great life COULD be…for some other people. But I felt I would never attain that for me, so I wanted to throw all my toys out of the pram in a massive suicidal tantrum! Well I’m only speaking for myself there…I’m sure you’re not doing that!
I think it’s very possible to appreciate and even love life, but at the same time reject one’s own existence. I get that. What do you mean exactly when you say you have ‘no life’? What could change that?
Zx
I know where you are coming from. Some of us, who are fortunate enough not to have clinical depression, otherwise fall hard when we find that we have failed at something that we were passionate about. It is because we love life, and I used to be famous for saying, ‘I Love My Life’, well, we fall harder. It is not because we don’t love life, it is because we feel we have failed life. I hope you feel better.