Honestly, since finding this place… It almost empowers me. Obviously not in the sense that I’m getting jollies that John Smith wants to die, but that trying to convince somebody they’re worth something, makes me feel and realize that I am. That I do have the will and balls to fight and scrape my way through the shit.
I have a neurotic compulsion to expect everyone to gossip or get outright offended by me. Doesn’t matter if I’m in happy company or unhappy company, the end result is always the same. I live in a state of constant flux. I think most people do as well.
I think whether or not it makes your pain worse depends on how you look at it. Personally, knowing I’m not the only person looking down the barrel right now makes it a little easier to cope. I know I’m not alone. I’ve spent most of my life alone, even when I’m surrounded by people.
Like Johnny said, coming here and trying to help other people get through the same shit is good, too. Being able to ***** and whine and scream and cry without anyone here judging us or looking down on us helps a lot. Yeah, people here may look when you let loose a string of expletives, but at least they’re looking over from the same side of the pit instead of down from the heights.
interesting, thanks for sharing your views. I’m glad others find it helpful. Personally it just makes me feel far more helpless, with even less hope than before- hearing that people struggle for years makes me want to end it now instead of the date I have planned. It’s a sign I suppose.
Every person’s experience is different. Often I find it helpful in that I can bare my soul to others in a (generally) caring environment, and this is therapy in itself. I also think it’s helpful to engage in meaningful conversations with others.
However, I sometimes find this site feeds my current thoughts rather than pausing them. I know that when I read posts from very young people that resort to cutting themselves because of ongoing abuse from parents or other family members, I start to compare them to my own experiences and it makes me think “you know, my experiences weren’t great but they weren’t anywhere nearly as bad as somebody else’s” … which makes me feel guilty about the way I feel, which feeds the depression.
6 comments
somestimes it does. And sometimes I think we use each other to lean on when the darkness takes over our minds.
JMO
Honestly, since finding this place… It almost empowers me. Obviously not in the sense that I’m getting jollies that John Smith wants to die, but that trying to convince somebody they’re worth something, makes me feel and realize that I am. That I do have the will and balls to fight and scrape my way through the shit.
I have a neurotic compulsion to expect everyone to gossip or get outright offended by me. Doesn’t matter if I’m in happy company or unhappy company, the end result is always the same. I live in a state of constant flux. I think most people do as well.
I think whether or not it makes your pain worse depends on how you look at it. Personally, knowing I’m not the only person looking down the barrel right now makes it a little easier to cope. I know I’m not alone. I’ve spent most of my life alone, even when I’m surrounded by people.
Like Johnny said, coming here and trying to help other people get through the same shit is good, too. Being able to ***** and whine and scream and cry without anyone here judging us or looking down on us helps a lot. Yeah, people here may look when you let loose a string of expletives, but at least they’re looking over from the same side of the pit instead of down from the heights.
interesting, thanks for sharing your views. I’m glad others find it helpful. Personally it just makes me feel far more helpless, with even less hope than before- hearing that people struggle for years makes me want to end it now instead of the date I have planned. It’s a sign I suppose.
Every person’s experience is different. Often I find it helpful in that I can bare my soul to others in a (generally) caring environment, and this is therapy in itself. I also think it’s helpful to engage in meaningful conversations with others.
However, I sometimes find this site feeds my current thoughts rather than pausing them. I know that when I read posts from very young people that resort to cutting themselves because of ongoing abuse from parents or other family members, I start to compare them to my own experiences and it makes me think “you know, my experiences weren’t great but they weren’t anywhere nearly as bad as somebody else’s” … which makes me feel guilty about the way I feel, which feeds the depression.