I’ve always hated myself

I felt that way recently I am coming out of it but often it comes back. lifeless feeling horrible you just want to end it. every breath hurts. I get it. But if you commit suicide you leave people behind with the pain of your death. kind of like throwing one stone and killing lot of birds. haha ever heard of that saying? your suicide plan is the stone killing you but injuring others along the way leaving them down bleeding but you not feeling anything. you just need to find other things to focus on. I enjoy walking till my feet hurt, spinning around when I get high…. there is going to be more more I live. one day you will get to a point you will truly enjoy somethings not like enjoying it half way like me. I will get to that point too. We probably won’t live like this for a long time in our lives. I wish Kurt Cobain waited more. he had fund the passion. he would probably come to a point in his life where he would truly enjoy it