Both 🙁 its like some days I’ll feel like I’ll have the flu and then I’m wondering I it’s just the depression. I don’t know what the hell to think anymore
oh yeah i know how that feels. i dont really get sick but i have so much emotional pain it fuckin sucks. but i love it at the same time. i cut to make the pain more bearable. i think i may be more mad then you.
its just another way for people to say they dont really care and they dont want to help so theyll just assume things “will get better” whenever someone tells me that shit i tell
them ive waited for years and nothing changed. they still fuckin tell me to wait.
some people dont know what its like to feel this way. they cant empathize. they can only sympathize. and if your legitimate about wanting to die, you arent going to want sympathy.
I mean, it’s one thing when you’re in high school. I was suicidal then, too, but after I was out of school, things did get better for a while. But when you’re still being told “it’ll get better” when you’re in your mid-30s…. you tend to stop believing it. It’s not going to get better at this point. It’s going to get worse. That’s the crap-tastic thing about bipolar- it gets worse the older you are and the longer you go untreated.
I’m actually a really decent person too, not bragging or anything like that.
A few of my friends know how how fucked up I am right now I stupidly told one of them that I was thinking of just necking myself soon and she doesn’t even call me anymore.
Wtf is with that ?
If one of my friends told me something like that I would be calling them every day.
People don’t give a shit about anyone except themselves makes me sick
Yep I then find myself getting even more frustrated for thinking that someone might actually care about me and I feel like a fucking idiot and just want to die even more. Vicious cycle this shit is.
I just don’t talk to anyone anymore people can’t be fucked hearing if you have had a really bad day. I’d rather be unhappy than some fake asshole.
whenever id vent to friends id feel like i was bothering them, and they just didnt want to hear it, i felt like an attention whore. so i stopped. i shut out the world.
i used to be such a fake. id be that blond peppy girl youd see with a group of friends. but inside i was dying. finally i said fuck it and became an emotional wreck. no one was there for me. no one cared.
I was actually thinking about this kinda stuff today.
If you don’t “be happy” and talk to people and act like you enjoying being in this world then pretty much everyone either ignores you or treats you like a piece of shit.
Life is such a trip. I always think my life ends today. I get to the brim but I’m afraid of the pain… I’m a coward in that way. I wish there was an easy way out like a gun… At that moment of deep depression, I know no one cares….
i despise society and whats right and wrong. somehow theyve got it into everyones mind that its right to leave hurting people on the outside. to keep them there.
Maybe you have Lyme’s disease. It gets mis-diagnosed as a depression a lot. I’ve had it for ten years. Went 4 years undiagnosed and was on antibiotics for 6 years and now well I just said fuck it. The medicine they gave me actually made me worse. The disease mutated got stronger and the doctor acted like “Well sorry we couldn’t help you,, now I’m busy, have a great day” Ummm well fuck. WTF am I supposed to do with that. They say it is not a terminal disease. A lot of people laugh at me tell me I’m fine because of the fuckin CDC putting out false information that Lyme’s is like the flu or something.
28 comments
yeah. i feel like im already dead inside. just need to kill the outside now.
Yeh I know exactly what you mean 😉
its nice to know someone understand. itll all be over soon. <3
Is your body like in a lot of pain like its possessed by pure evil or could I actual have some shitty virus OR I’m wondering if I’ve truely gone mad
emotional or physical?
Both 🙁 its like some days I’ll feel like I’ll have the flu and then I’m wondering I it’s just the depression. I don’t know what the hell to think anymore
oh yeah i know how that feels. i dont really get sick but i have so much emotional pain it fuckin sucks. but i love it at the same time. i cut to make the pain more bearable. i think i may be more mad then you.
Hmmm I’ve never been much of a cutter more of a pill popper myself.
You know what really gets me ?
Some people just don’t realise how lucky they are it’s kind of infuriating.
popping pills hm ive tried that awhile ago. just made me kinda jumpy.
i agree, that also aggravates me. some people just dont see how lucky they are and take it all for granted.
what aggravates me the most is when people say “things will get better” that just makes me want to fuckin punch a wall.
Grrrrrrrr I know exactly what you mean!
I’ve done everything in my power for “things to get better ” and have been doing so for months and months.
It’s just such a load of bullshit, some people really have no idea.
its just another way for people to say they dont really care and they dont want to help so theyll just assume things “will get better” whenever someone tells me that shit i tell
them ive waited for years and nothing changed. they still fuckin tell me to wait.
some people dont know what its like to feel this way. they cant empathize. they can only sympathize. and if your legitimate about wanting to die, you arent going to want sympathy.
I feel sick most of the time. Headaches, stomach problems, general pain. I wish I could just make it stop.
And yeah, I agree. “It gets better” is punch-in-the-face worthy!
I mean, it’s one thing when you’re in high school. I was suicidal then, too, but after I was out of school, things did get better for a while. But when you’re still being told “it’ll get better” when you’re in your mid-30s…. you tend to stop believing it. It’s not going to get better at this point. It’s going to get worse. That’s the crap-tastic thing about bipolar- it gets worse the older you are and the longer you go untreated.
It’s so fucked up.
I’m actually a really decent person too, not bragging or anything like that.
A few of my friends know how how fucked up I am right now I stupidly told one of them that I was thinking of just necking myself soon and she doesn’t even call me anymore.
Wtf is with that ?
If one of my friends told me something like that I would be calling them every day.
People don’t give a shit about anyone except themselves makes me sick
oh hell, i know exactly what you mean. i tell my friend i feel like offing myself and she barley texts me back now.
fuck i mean i even told her i was doing it in a few days. youd think shed want to converse with me more. just shows how much people truly care.
if she were to tell me in person that she was going to kill herself very soon id try my best to talk to her every second i could.
humans are disgusting, selfish, ignorant creatures. i cant wait to leave.
Yep I then find myself getting even more frustrated for thinking that someone might actually care about me and I feel like a fucking idiot and just want to die even more. Vicious cycle this shit is.
I just don’t talk to anyone anymore people can’t be fucked hearing if you have had a really bad day. I’d rather be unhappy than some fake asshole.
“humans are disgusting, selfish, ignorant creatures. i cant wait to leave.”
so true ……….
whenever id vent to friends id feel like i was bothering them, and they just didnt want to hear it, i felt like an attention whore. so i stopped. i shut out the world.
i used to be such a fake. id be that blond peppy girl youd see with a group of friends. but inside i was dying. finally i said fuck it and became an emotional wreck. no one was there for me. no one cared.
I was actually thinking about this kinda stuff today.
If you don’t “be happy” and talk to people and act like you enjoying being in this world then pretty much everyone either ignores you or treats you like a piece of shit.
Fucking love life
They way I see it…apologies of this offends anyone…
Nobody gives a flying fuck if your sad
Except for my dogs
I know exactly how you feel. @charliemarbles I know what you mean about being dead inside and just needing to kill the outside…
Depression can affect your physical body as well.
You can actually feel physically sick as a result of unchecked emotional depression.
Yes, other people can be so afraid of your emotional pain that they avoid you, making the situation worse.
It’s good to find someone who will listen, even just online here.
Peace.
Life is such a trip. I always think my life ends today. I get to the brim but I’m afraid of the pain… I’m a coward in that way. I wish there was an easy way out like a gun… At that moment of deep depression, I know no one cares….
i despise society and whats right and wrong. somehow theyve got it into everyones mind that its right to leave hurting people on the outside. to keep them there.
its a fucking messed up world.
pepperpep, it isnt a good feeling, is it?
Very very messed up
@guardian yeh that makes sense about people being scared of your emotions and avoiding you.
I either look like I’m going to kill someone else or myself
Seeing a new doctor next week. I’m actually tired of waking up every morning thinking of new ways to go.
Maybe you have Lyme’s disease. It gets mis-diagnosed as a depression a lot. I’ve had it for ten years. Went 4 years undiagnosed and was on antibiotics for 6 years and now well I just said fuck it. The medicine they gave me actually made me worse. The disease mutated got stronger and the doctor acted like “Well sorry we couldn’t help you,, now I’m busy, have a great day” Ummm well fuck. WTF am I supposed to do with that. They say it is not a terminal disease. A lot of people laugh at me tell me I’m fine because of the fuckin CDC putting out false information that Lyme’s is like the flu or something.