I have been through shit in my life. Not metamorphic shit literal sticky stinky shit….
Got raped got pregnant got aborted at 16. Was a prostitute. Never lived a happy life. But I never gave up…. I struggled struggled and faced the world. Finished my law. Did my masters. Got settled with a job in a US based MNC which is paying me 3 times more than my friends. Known as one of the smartest worker. Yes i achieved what i wanted to!! Am i happy???!!!!!!!!!! No………………….
Now, i dont see any meaning in being alive. Everyday sucks. Mom reminds me of my bad past everyday. Am not able to get married to any man thinking of my past. My past is killing my present. No one to talk to no one to be with. No one i can trust or rely. I feel everything is fake. Parents, friends, love, success and LIFE. I know am gonna give up very soon. Tired of bearing and running in the race of life……..
I wanna die…. Just wish not to be reborn again!!!!!
3 comments
Hi ME. What you say is instructive to me, who has a tendency to think that anyone who actually has a decent job has got it made! That’s because I haven’t held a full time paid job since just before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder…
I’m learning since being here at Suicide Project that while having a job may make life more bearable for many, it doesn’t always work that way. People in all social positions can become suicidal, money isn’t proof against those feelings either, nor is education.
Like you, I don’t want to be reborn either. Horrible thought! 😉
Lots love Zx
*raises hand* I’m also living a fake life, trying to bury a horrible past. No matter how much success you get, you can’t undo history. Maybe you’re like me… sometimes you lose yourself in your role and forget who you are underneath. But it always comes back, and the harder you try to push it inward, the more it eats your soul.
One thing’s for sure… everything IS fake. Everything about the human race is built on false appearances. The only advice I can offer is to get yourself a dog or cat from the pound. My dog is the only one I can be myself with because he doesn’t care about my past.
Hi Me. I’m sorry to see that you had to go through so much at such a young age. I for one think it’s amazing that you have been able to accomplish so much despite what you have been through. I’m curious, is it your past that keeps you from being able to get close to someone or do you think that no one would want to be with you because of your past? You seem like an amazing person and I find it hard to believe that someone wouldn’t be able to look past your history and see what a wonderful person you seem to be.