fed up

I dont know what to say or do anymore. I am 26 years old, although I recognize I am somewhat intelligent, and feel able to contribute in certain ways, all those feelings are constantly overwhelmed by a stronger feeling of not belonging. I’ve moved to different places, tried fresh starts, moved closer to family, away from family. Same outcome, all the time. I feel as though I just should not be there. As though people will have a better time if I were not present.
I know I may be a bit young to say I have moved around a lot, but I was out of home earlier than the regular person, due to sports. I am just at a point where I feel there is nothing I am going to be able to do to make things any better. Even when I was younger, I cant ever say I was the most popular kid, if anyone knew me it was more than likely for the wrong type of reasons…Even though I was performing in the ‘enrichment’ standards through public school especially, it seemed as though whenever something happened within the class, I was the first person to shoulder the blame.
All in all though, these experiences have just contributed to that feeling that I cannot connect anywhere with anyone long term.
Sports were my vice growing up, my outlet per say. I could accept and deal with things that were happening within school, tried to not let it affect me too greatly knowing that after class I was off to play a game I was passionate for. And still, even after years of that game, the same tendencies happened. In the end, it seemed as though I again was the problem.
I turned down offers to play at schools, to play for minor pro teams, because I recognized that there must be something I was doing to have these same things happen to me in different areas. I stopped, tried to collect myself, become someone that other people would be happy to be around. Still, about 7 years past, I’m in the same hole. I start something good, and it all comes crashing down.
I recognize the old sayings that life is what you make it, or that you create youre own situations. It just seems as though I am unable to change myself or my habits to break these tendencies that have seemed to plague my life from an early stage.
It has brought me to a point where I have come to this, stuck in a bsement by myself, almost wishing I had access to a gun so I could just blow my brains out and be done with it. This world has enough people, what is losing one person going to do. It would probably lighten the mood of the people around me. One less burden to deal with.