Sitting down to get help for the first time was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.
Before that day, no one had a clue that the only thing i wanted to do when i went to bed at night was not wake up in the morning.
And even with all of that, you know what really hurt me the most. Is when my new counselor diagnosed me with Dysthymia and Double Depression. She showed me a so much information on it but the only thing i walked out of there thinking about was this one sentence. “Dysthymia in adolescents can ultimately define their personality” I lost myself right there. I kept thinking about who I could have been: could I have been more outgoing, more assertive? Could I have been happy? It still haunts me to think that my whole personality and perspective are just a symptom of a disease.  What does that make me?
I thought i had everything Planned out. I thought i knew what i wanted, who i was.
Now, I don’t know anything.
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If you’re thinking you’re a statistic: Well, no more than anyone or anything else. Everyone is so quick to label. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and enjoy that single moment. If you have plans, go do them. There are people with learning disabilities graduating from college, there are people with missing limbs, competing in sports.
A wise man once said: For those who can’t stop to enjoy the day, planning is futile.
If you constantly plan for the future or label yourself in a particular “walk of life”, you will never have the gratification of enjoying the “fruits of your labor”.
Keep old plans, make new plans, whatever. If it starts to be too much, close your eyes, breathe and enjoy the moment. It’s something you can always do, day or night, rain or shine.
It’s not that im a statistic or a label, It’s the fact that I never knew who I was, I formed opinions and goals based on what other people wanted from me. I live my life for other people. But when i got to college i tried to live for me, i made opinions on what i thought… but even though i know that it can only hurt me if i let it, it still plagues me to think all my opinions and beliefs are formed under false pretenses. It’s the “what if” that scares me.
Honestly, so what, if they call your personality a disease.
That’s a clumsy label that psychiatry slaps on you, because they feel that it helps them understand and treat you.
But DON’T let it define you.
You are you. You are wonderful. You are just right the way you are.
If that label helps you understand yourself better, good, but it mustn’t make you give up who you are, or your dreams.
Remember, you are you, and you are great, no matter what people call you.
Honestly, it scares me sometimes, the way psychiatry aims to “treat” people who fall outside the norm.
I think so too. Apparently i made it 10+ years with Dysthymia ALL BY MYSELF. And still, even with that no one really cared until the words” i want to die” came out of my mouth. Then it became a big deal, and only then was meds and further help talked about.
Well maybe that’s a lesson in communication and in human nature:
To get a point across to people, you have to keep it short, simple, and in flashing neon.
And they call it “seeking help” because it can be hard to find.
Anyw
(continued)
ay, well done for asking for help, and be proud of who you are.
🙂