I am feeling such dread today. Â My chest hurts so badly right now. Â I’ve gotta get out. please everyone stay safe. i think i’m gonna need some help later.
isaac I will be back on later. You can see my email in your comments on dashboard. You can email me later tonight if you need to. I’m going out now ready for some fun, or distraction, whichever.
Sorry for not checking in sooner guys. I’ve been away from the computer all day. I needed to be away from home for a while. I almost stayed home (which would have been a real, real bad thing) I think I just got overwhelmed and spiraled down into a panic attack. I wish I could say that I’m okay, but I’m not. While I am on the ropes, I’m not out yet. I am glad that I force myself to wait before trying anything drastic (as much as it hurts to do so). I don’t know what this week holds for me, but it is comforting to read that you guys care. I know we’re all strangers. But you are precious strangers. And I thank you from the bottom of my empty, aching heart.
Sure thing. Always welcome an email from you. I can’t believe it, but I’m actually feeling a bit groggy. I may have gone a little overboard with the sleeping meds. Being drained is probably adding to it. Wow, it’s hard to type. I should time myself for how long this post is taking to write. I have to correct nearly every word. I just laughed at my fingers a little bit. How weird is that? Strange random thoughts keep racing through my mind so I kinda need to shut up now, otherwise who knows what I’ll write. I wonder if this is what those idiots who go around sending everyone pictures of their junk feel like before they hit ‘send’? Poor impulse control. Ha! So says the suicidal dude.
s2419 your head still? What did you do to your hand? I am looking for something to do today. Need something other than sitting here with my thoughts. Any ideas?
@jael85: yeeaahh my head still :S and i punched a wall a few times, you should listen to music or go to the gym, thats what i do.
@isaac: i punched a wall a few times and have you taken any pills or drugs or alcohol ??
isaac why are you feeling that way? Whether is great right now. Trying to get out and do something extreme today. But I am running out of time.
s2419 I figured you punched a wall. Maybe the gym would feel better than punching walls?
Yeah, i took more pills than normal last night. Not as many as I needed to really knock myself out, but enough to crap me out all day. Running out of time here. I’m sitting here trying to scrape up enough courage to face my future. I don’t know how this is gonna go, but I gotta do something. Good or bad, I don’t know when I’ll be able to check back…maybe a couple of days. I know I’ll either have some hard-core therapy sessions ahead of me or I’ll be living out of a hotel. I’ll definitely check in before I make any other final decisions. You guys deserve that. I often wonder what happens to those who kind of disappear here. I won’t go out like that. (Just talking this way is making my chest hurt again.) I’ll figure out a way to let you know.
I’m realizing that deep down, I hope it doesn’t come to that. But I’m prepared and willing to take it that far. Still, don’t worry until you hear from me. I’ll be sick as hell and maybe sadder than I’ve ever been in my life, but I’ll be alive (unless I have a stroke or something). But, just maybe, I’ll be feeling some relief. I hope I have the stones to follow through. Wish me luck…as I wish for each of you.
@s: take up boxing. that sounds so badass. you would be fierce!
@jael: you got out yesterday. you had a good time. you want to do something else today. you lasted another day. I’m so glad you did…personally and sincerely. I’d sure love to hear from you when I check back in.
@isaac: boxing is my thing, i’ve just never done it in a ring aha, i think you should go to a doctor, and see about your chest, it might be the early warning signs of a heart attack. and you should definitely go to some therapy sessions !! 🙂 i hope your well soon 🙂
I fell asleep waiting for my moment. goddamn drugs!!! it’s getting late. im running out of time. now she fell asleep. just what I needed. How can I talk now? SHIT! PLEASE GOD, I HOPE ITS NOT TOO LATE! OH GOD, HELP ME, I WISH I WERE ALREADY DEAD!
20 comments
isaac I will be back on later. You can see my email in your comments on dashboard. You can email me later tonight if you need to. I’m going out now ready for some fun, or distraction, whichever.
hope your ok isaac, maybe you should do what my doctor suggested, it could help, or it could make you hit your head against the wall like me 🙂
You stay safe as well issac, we will be here later if you need to vent. Take care
Sorry for not checking in sooner guys. I’ve been away from the computer all day. I needed to be away from home for a while. I almost stayed home (which would have been a real, real bad thing) I think I just got overwhelmed and spiraled down into a panic attack. I wish I could say that I’m okay, but I’m not. While I am on the ropes, I’m not out yet. I am glad that I force myself to wait before trying anything drastic (as much as it hurts to do so). I don’t know what this week holds for me, but it is comforting to read that you guys care. I know we’re all strangers. But you are precious strangers. And I thank you from the bottom of my empty, aching heart.
isaac if you don’t mind, I will reply to your email. Glad to see you are here right now. Stay, talk. I need it too.
Sure thing. Always welcome an email from you. I can’t believe it, but I’m actually feeling a bit groggy. I may have gone a little overboard with the sleeping meds. Being drained is probably adding to it. Wow, it’s hard to type. I should time myself for how long this post is taking to write. I have to correct nearly every word. I just laughed at my fingers a little bit. How weird is that? Strange random thoughts keep racing through my mind so I kinda need to shut up now, otherwise who knows what I’ll write. I wonder if this is what those idiots who go around sending everyone pictures of their junk feel like before they hit ‘send’? Poor impulse control. Ha! So says the suicidal dude.
isaac I emailed you back. Sleep though. You probably need to. You can respond tomorrow. I hope you start to feel better. Keep strong.
I hate panic attacks !! There horrible, hope your feeling better 🙂
s2419 hi how are you today?
i’m okish, my head still fucking hurts and now my hand does as well :(, wbu ?
s2419 your head still? What did you do to your hand? I am looking for something to do today. Need something other than sitting here with my thoughts. Any ideas?
So sleepy and hung over feeling. Drifting in and out of consciousness . Trying to shake out off
What’s the weather like down there jael? What’s up with your hand, S?
@jael85: yeeaahh my head still :S and i punched a wall a few times, you should listen to music or go to the gym, thats what i do.
@isaac: i punched a wall a few times and have you taken any pills or drugs or alcohol ??
isaac why are you feeling that way? Whether is great right now. Trying to get out and do something extreme today. But I am running out of time.
s2419 I figured you punched a wall. Maybe the gym would feel better than punching walls?
Hi mimito. I am responding to your emails.
aha yeaah gym prob would, but my mum wont let me go today, because i haven’t eaten all day
Yeah, i took more pills than normal last night. Not as many as I needed to really knock myself out, but enough to crap me out all day. Running out of time here. I’m sitting here trying to scrape up enough courage to face my future. I don’t know how this is gonna go, but I gotta do something. Good or bad, I don’t know when I’ll be able to check back…maybe a couple of days. I know I’ll either have some hard-core therapy sessions ahead of me or I’ll be living out of a hotel. I’ll definitely check in before I make any other final decisions. You guys deserve that. I often wonder what happens to those who kind of disappear here. I won’t go out like that. (Just talking this way is making my chest hurt again.) I’ll figure out a way to let you know.
I’m realizing that deep down, I hope it doesn’t come to that. But I’m prepared and willing to take it that far. Still, don’t worry until you hear from me. I’ll be sick as hell and maybe sadder than I’ve ever been in my life, but I’ll be alive (unless I have a stroke or something). But, just maybe, I’ll be feeling some relief. I hope I have the stones to follow through. Wish me luck…as I wish for each of you.
@s: take up boxing. that sounds so badass. you would be fierce!
@jael: you got out yesterday. you had a good time. you want to do something else today. you lasted another day. I’m so glad you did…personally and sincerely. I’d sure love to hear from you when I check back in.
Well…
@isaac: boxing is my thing, i’ve just never done it in a ring aha, i think you should go to a doctor, and see about your chest, it might be the early warning signs of a heart attack. and you should definitely go to some therapy sessions !! 🙂 i hope your well soon 🙂
SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!
I fell asleep waiting for my moment. goddamn drugs!!! it’s getting late. im running out of time. now she fell asleep. just what I needed. How can I talk now? SHIT! PLEASE GOD, I HOPE ITS NOT TOO LATE! OH GOD, HELP ME, I WISH I WERE ALREADY DEAD!
isaac please let us know when you get back or if everything is okay. Please be careful.