We never get away from them. It’s near impossible. Same with getting the things that frustrate us to go completely away. Reading a book does no good. There are people(perhaps not human, but still people) in them, and they do and say things that frustrate us. Computer games, or games of any sort, don’t work. They’re either online games with people who degrade and hate on others, or are so nice you want to throw up. Or they have characters. Or they don’t interest you, have shitty graphics, and are extremely cliche/cheesy. Being by yourself doesn’t work either, because there’s usually someone else around, physically or in our thoughts. We think about things that frustrate us, try not to let it show, and end up bottling it up. There’s not really a way to ‘control yourself’ without bottling everything up inside yourself. So the phrase ‘don’t bottle it up’ is complete bull shit. You obviously can’t get away from people on social sites, or even this site. Sometimes you can’t even get away from them in your dreams, because you have nightmares(which I just call violent dreams) about some of those people doing things to you, or you finally take your frustration out on them and they end up dead. Or some other horrible thing. Even if we die, we still can’t really get away from them, because they make a senseless fuss over the ordeal, and do things to/with our bodies(not necessarily necrophilia), and then keep thinking about us for many many years to come. Wondering about what happened, why it happened, etc., etc., never leaving us alone. Music is perhaps one of the least effective, because we tend to think about people the song reminds us of, or it’s about other people. Even wordless music does that.
The only times I’ve ever been able to completely get away from people and frustrations is when I cut. My mind becomes entirely focused on that one thing, and all thoughts and frustrations, everything, just disappears. That’s why right now, I really want to do it. To temporarily delete everything from my mind.
3 comments
If you’ve decided that it’s impossible to ever get away from people, then why are you still trying to? If, along the road, you’re met with an impenetrable wall; the only choice you have is to change your destination. You can’t cut away your problems forever. ):
Long ago, doctors used “insulin therapy” in the same way. Patients who were delusional were administered insulin to the point of having seizures. When the brain was focused on survival during the seizure, it cleared all delusions. Unfortunately the possible side effects and chance of death, outweighed the good it did, as it was only a temporary fix.
Cutting seems to work the same way for you, but like “Scar504” mentioned, you can’t cut away your problems forever. Sooner or later the cutting and it’s effects will begin to outweigh it’s effectiveness. You’re going to have to find another vent, such as counseling, meds. etc.
Might I suggest a very unorthodox treatment? Boxing. I am a boxing coach and I still compete from time to time. I have used blades, drugs etc. in the past, but I find there’s nothing like producing endorphins and releasing pain and frustration through strapping on some gloves and pounding it out against a good sparring partner or competitor. The primal exploration of pleasure and pain, sadism and masochism. These are primal emotions that are every bit as gratifying as love and other emotions that people chase after.
I wish you success in your quest for peace and the methods used in your search.
I keep trying because even though it’s deemed impossible, that doesn’t mean there isn’t some unknown way. I didn’t actually cut. I just wanted to. Not anymore. Both of you are right, in that I can’t cut my problems away forever. I’ve actually been working on that, and doing pretty well. But whenever I want to be completely away from people(which isn’t very often, but still too often), that’s when I usually cut. I like the idea of boxing, but idk if my parents would let me do it, especially since I quit karate. Of course, I only quit karate because all I wanted to do was spar, and thought the lessons were a waste of time. Maybe I’ll ask my dad if I can try boxing for a while, but after the play I’m in for Drama Club is over. Which is in like November. BUT!!! I have 2 dancing roles in the play, so I have a bunch of endorphins and such going through me, especially since they’re really fast dances and I have rehearsal just about every other day after school. Plus I dance to my iPod in the hallways before my rehearsals to warm up and such. So basically I’m mostly good until the second week of next month. I have no idea what will happen then. Dad said he had him and I enrolled in a community dance class for next month or something. idk for sure though. but ANYWHOO thanks for the advice and the wisdom!!! and idk if love is gratifying or not so….