For no reason in particular. Nothing bad happened to me. It’s just been one of those really down days and i can’t seem to drag myself back up again.
It started out fine. I stayed in my boyfriend’s last night. Got up early, got ready for class, he left for work. Got to class, included myself in some conversations, actually laughed a few times. Then i dunno, all started going downhill i guess. My mood just crashed. Same old same old what am i doing with my life arguement. I’m fed up crying over how i’ve messed my life up. I’m good for nothing. I haven’t done a single thing right in my life.
I’m seeing my councellor tomorrow. I’m going to end up crying i just know it. I’ve really had enough. I haven’t stopped crying since i got home. I’m just living in fear and regret and i can’t keep living like this. Been thinking about taking night classes to get my A Levels. I dunno what in, math and psychology or something i suppose. Anything. I probably won’t go through with it but i can’t keep going down this road it’ll end up killing me. I’ll never admit this to anyone IRL but my biggest regret in life is letting my depression win and dropping out of high school after my GCSEs. I could have went on to be a teacher. I don’t have the option to anymore.
Feel like i’m gonna be sick.
22 comments
Understand our mistakes is important, but only inasmuch as it allows us to preclude the same mistakes from reoccurring. Ruminating on the past is only going to lead to more mistakes. Surely you can still salvage the time you have left, and do something that makes you happy. Take a shower and go lay in bed; you’ll feel better tomorrow.
I could but the time it’ll take, i can’t afford it, and i’ve no idea what direction to go in kind of stops me. All i know is i’m not happy where i am. But i haven’t many options to change it. I tried the shower idea though, i did feel a bit better 🙂 thanks.
So now that you’re back in the saddle again, what will you teach? Elementary, High School, Visual Arts, Theoretical Psychology? Teaching is pretty awesome.
I’m not 🙁 i wish i was. If i had to pick i’d choose our equivalent of elementary. Or maybe nursery. Younger kids. But i haven’t the qualifications to get into teaching college. And i can’t seem to figure out a way to get said qualifications and be able to afford it.
Well, it’s good that you’re talking about how you feel, to us, and the councellor. Hopefully that’ll give you some air.
It’s okay not to be able to cope sometimes, you know. You coped all morning, well done.
Don’t try to be perfect, it’s a pointless pursuit. Life is flawed, and sometimes it sucks.
But you’re doing your best, and if you screw up or can’t take it, then that’s normal. We all do that once in a while.
Yeah it helps to just get it out there even if noone reads it. It just sucks because everyone keeps saying “aw just keep going it’ll be fine.” Don’t see the point in keeping at it if it makes your life harder.
Miss,There’s nothing wrong with crying. Me being a guy, have cried self to sleep before and such.Crying doesn’t mean your weak, it just means you have held in too much for way too long.If ever you need to talk, feel free to email. It’s brl.cents@gmail.comIt will be all right, I promise.Like I said, Crying is ok.:)Your friend,Blindaudio
Thank you 🙂 i’ll keep that in mind.
From the short paragraph you’ve written I’d say you need to think more about saying you haven’t done a single thing right. You’re doing classes of some sort which means you’re choosing to make your life better, and if you’ve got a boyfriend you must be doing something right.
Crying is natural when we feel down, and it really can help get emotions out. Just remember its always better to cry on a shoulder than on your own.
Ah but again, taking classes in the wrong profession. I want to make it better yes but i keep making the wrong decisions so i’ve yet to do so. And the boyfriend’s a recent thing. I honestly don’t know how that happened, i haven’t even got friends. I’m still trying to figure out what to do in this situation. He just sort of appeared from nowhere. Still waiting on the other shoe to drop.
Awwwie kurea are you sad? If you want i can stab the british side of you, you know the left side c:
Aw 8 haha. When are we ever not sad? Stab away my friend. I’ll use the right to eat some cake. I’ll be okay.
I’ll always be here to stab you :c And well you sound extremely sad. And buy tres leches cake (cake soaked in um that sweet milk thingy that nestle makes) its really good. Wanna talk? i can multi-task ya know, stabbing, listening, cake eating :c
I’ve got a mini cadbury’s chocolate cake so i has all the noms. I’ll be okay 🙂 i actually am feeling a little bit better. Trying not to think about it in any great depth until tomorrow. Otherwise i won’t sleep lol.
I don’t like chocolate cake….ewwie. Well I offered my services and was shot down. It was like I was the kamikaze fighter plane and you were the anti-air gun on an american ship. lol awesome comparison. And dont you get meds? :L
Lol more cake for me. I’ll always talk to you 8 🙂 nice people deserve to be replied to. And no i’m not on anything, the Brits don’t really like medicating young people unless they have to. Which i plan on bringing up at my next GP’s appointment so i can get referred to one of the medicine dealy-outy people.
You blood pressure will be high if u eat too much sugar D: And I know I’m a sweetheart c: Hurm that blows. Americans are a pill happy people, the moment I got a psychiatrist they put me on meds been on meds ever since….i got meds before a therapist! Not taking them leaves you….feeling meh so be careful. You should go to Canada I hear they have great healthcare and when’s the last time we heard of Canada starting a war? :3
Nope Brits are aaaaall about the talky talky. I’ve had more talking sessions than hot dinners. But yeah definately bringing it up, the talking isn’t working. Not as well as it should be anyway. And believe it or not once upon a time i was considering moving to Canada lol. It’s similar to Britain in alot of ways. Their healthcare systems are similar to ours.
I don’t like talking because then i contradict myself. They ask me if i have plans for the future and I tell them i do but that I want to kill myself lol. I like to play games with the talky talky people. Just, meds are a big help but you can become dependent, I exaggerate and say I’m addicted but im dependent on my pills. Most people become dependent and then you’re stuck paying the monthly pill cost, and you might get hit with side effects. And I didn’t know ya’ll had similar healthcare systems I consider Canada to be more frenchy french cuz i knew some canadians that spoke french :L
I just start spinning off into tangents and talk rubbish. And yeah i’ve heard they can get like that, was reluctant to try them but i need to try something. Prescriptions here are only £7 and change though so it’s not so bad. Also Canada is a British Commonwealth country so it has alot of similarities. Like having a prime minister instead of a president. Health care is free.
Hahaha i discussed my plans of world domination with my therapist x) And yeah then give em a try kurea. And oh thats pretty cheap….im lucky i have my moms medical insurance covering me for now…medecine is like 18 in ur country…30 in mine…im poor so thas a lot for me…an im unemployed going to college…receiving very little in financial aid…living at home real sad…I wish my healthcare was free…
You’re welcome.
I always want to help.