So last night I went to the movies with my friends. We went to see Perks of Being a Wallflower. (if you haven’t seen it and are planning too, I suggest you don’t read this).
My one friend, Lucy likes this reeeaaalllyyy douchey guy who has a girlfriend for fucks sake. So, without my knowing, she invited him and this other guy Dillon to come too. I was fine, I planned to ignore him and sit with my other two friends.
Right away I knew it was gonna suck. He texted his girlfriend the whole movie while flirting with Lucy.
Then about 3/4 of the way through, the main character Charlie was gonna kill himself. I was wondering if my friends knew about me and just picked this movie to fuck with me. Charlies sister called the cops though, and then he was in a mental hospital.
Meanwhile, I heard Nate complaining. He was sitting here saying things like “why didn’t he kill himself? I wanted him to kill himself!” like it was something to fucking LAUGH about. I was so pissed and I wanted to yell at him to shut the fuck up right there but then we would get kicked out and they’d make me feel like suit for it. I was shaking I was so pissed.
Next thing I know, I’m running out of the movie theater with my hand in my pocket. I found my blade and locked myself in the bathroom.
As soon as I locked it the handle started turning. It was my friend Ruby, who is the angle of my life, I love her to bits. She kept yelling at me, asking if I was ok. It tore my heart up but even though my voice was shaking i reassured her that I just had to pee.
If peeing means bleeding then I wasnt lying.
When I got back the movie was over. They asked me a million questions. I said nothing.
To make matters worse, I had cut before I left. But stupid old me, forgot to throw my bloody gauze away. It definitely raised some questions. Good thing I rock at hiding my secret…and lying.
I feel so embarrassed about what happened at the movies. I don’t know why but I feel like I did something wrong and it was basically like branding myself with a bright red S for suicidal.
I dont know why I’m telling you guys this. I just know that if anybody’s gonna get it, it’s you guys.
Thanks. Xx.
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4 comments
dont be ashamed. what you did is in some ways a part of who you are. sure other souls dont quite understand why, or think its stupid. ive gotten so upset at friends houses and used their knives to cut myself up. i felt pretty ashamed after that actually. but life goes on.
about branding.. if the suicidal were branded with a bright red S thered be alot more people around you would would be “branded” then you might expect.
sometimes i feel like writing suicidal on my forehead would be the only way to get it through peoples heads that im hurting.
Thanks 🙂 a lot actually..
I’m here if you ever need to talk.
I feel for ya! I’m a cutter and I get so pissed at people who think its a joke.. I almost slapped one of my best friends because he was making fun of me for trying to commit suicide when he wasn’t even supposed to know.. I yelled at the kids in my class who were laughing at this My Suicide Story video that was playing and I had to go to the bathroom and cut to calm myself.. Branded is an interesting term to use.. But still.. Suicide ISNT something to laugh about or make jokes out of..