Well i think i might have found the light again….
Ive been talking to this guy and he seams to not want to hurt me like the others he wants to make me feel special…
hes made me want to get better and put down the razor, but im not quit there yet.
im still afraide…. afraide that its all a lie and sooner or later he’ll pull back the curtain and reveal the evil thats in everyone and that he was just playing me or something.
he says he wont and i want to believe him with all my heart because ive never felt this gud period i have never felt like my life is worth living that someone actually cares about me for once and that they dont want me to hurt myself. i havent felt that way since i was really really young in elementry maybe. i finally found that one that i dont have to protect. he says he’ll protect me for once.
for once i dont have to worry if someone gets hurt and who i have to go get the real story from. i dont have to worry at all.
i dont know if thats a gud thing or not. ive been in the dark for so long. He found my door and opened it letting all the light flow into the pitch black dark room. sometimes i dont know if im dreaming and he isnt reall and when i wake up ill be even more miserable then i was before.
i just dont know if i should stay in the dark and continue waiting for death as i originally planed or welcome in the light and try and make it right. make it better.
did i find the actuall light this time or did i fall into another trap to break my heart because a haert can only take so much and im not sure my heart can take anymore.