It’s almost a year now after my graduation. I really don’t know what to say, but a short sentence just pops up in my head: I’m getting tired of my life.
Lately, I’ve only been staying at home and doing absolutely nothing useful. It’s been the same routine everyday. It goes on and on and on, and nothing is done. I know I need to start moving and find a suitable job, I am, after all, and adult now. I mean, I guess it’s that I’m just having a hard time adjusting to a different environment that maybe, just maybe, it scares me what I might do wrong. I’m always thinking of things negatively. I just want to let these negative feelings go and cleanse myself of all the doubts I’m having.
I don’t have any release. I live in a house full of people but none of them ever hears me. They listen, yes, but I can’t feel that what I’m saying is being comprehended correctly. I just need someone who understands what I feel just for once.
People think I don’t have anything bad going on in my life, they think my life’s perfect. Well, let me tell you, IT ISN’T! I mean, why do they judge based on appearance, none of those can really be accurate. You can’t say that a person is truly happy when they laugh loudly, or smile frequently, it’s not like that, it’s never like that.
Everyone has their own problems. Every single one. And I’m just another one. We don’t have the right to question why things happen to us, because in some way,someday, we will see the reasons why they did. As they say, we never face a challenge that we cannot overcome.
I’ve not really shared my problem here, just my thoughts, really. Well, I guess, at some point in life, we will really feel useless and senseless, but that’s not supposed to make us feel weak and suffer, or want to end our lives; it happens for us to stay around and live fully. And then it makes us improve ourselves. I hope that day is near to me. I hope I find my light very soon.
Thanks to you for reading this. š
4 comments
I always wonder if searching for a meaning, a purpose will make me start moving. So far all that has done is overwhelm me. After falling down countless times and getting back up countless times, I got tired. I am still tired, but I do find that instead of the purpose, that goal, baby steps are what I need. I wonder if that will help you too.
I take my time, I take one step, I stay there and then take another.
Slow, painful, yet I keep stepping forward, maybe sometimes 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, 2 step forward and 3 step back.
But moving has kept me from actually taking my own life.
I have people around me that try to help me move too.
Its excruciatingly slow and frustrating, but I can only keep moving.
Good luck.
i guess you’re right sorairo. thanks for sharing that to me. it will take time but i guess the best way to move is to take baby steps. it’s not good, after all, to push and just push.
so glad to hear you š
i’m just trying to fill myself with small tiny happiness.
i try to count all the tiny happiness i get every day, like, if i find a penny in my jeans pocket, lucky penny. if i get to use the spoon i like, lucky spoon.
silly things like that. after trying countless times, i find that those super tiny things will eventually add up.
now i just hope nothing will kick me down again anytime soon. š
yeah. š that’s a good start. eventually, those small things will get bigger and better then maybe things will work out just fine.