If I…

If I get to die, it won’t be of bipolar illness or depression. It will be of loneliness and regret. I blame myself for my own misery. I hate being my loving, loyal, devoted self . For all of you out there… Please don’t make that same mistake. Don’t give “your all”, you’ll wind up with nothing and broken hearted. People love those who they can’t have. Those who think of themselves first and always manage to remain a mystery and a challenge. Those who are slippery and are feared to be lost. I am telling you this because I never learned to be that person, no matter how much my intellect understood this horrible reality that no one escapes from in this world. I see a lot of posts here saying: “How could he/she, I gave him/her everything” and that’s exactly why he/she could. Giving yourself away is relationship suicide, and soon you’ll end up here, contemplating you own. I wish I could go back in time and be a cold heated selfish b**** that felt too good for anyone, but it’s too late now and I’ve way too many times been disposed of. I have no hope. Perhaps in another life there will be an angel that can hold me in his arms and never let me go.