I try not to think about it because the more I do, the more I am enchanted. I just want to fall into the darkness, which looks so inviting. But I’m always afraid that someone will catch me and then my secrets would be bared to the world.
Every time I hear the words the future. Always telling me, think about your future, what will you do in the future, where will you be years from now. I can’t help but laugh inside. It takes my everything to smile, give appropriate responses. I know I’m lying.
I have never seriously thought about my future. I would say I will become this or that, that I will do this or that. But I can never look forward to the future. Because I always think, What do I care, I’ll be dead.
It’s the one constant thing in me, that I cannot let go. That I have no future.