@bah: I soooooo hear where you’re coming from. Tonight I almost took off, being certain as I am that nothing can really change. But they give up on us so quickly. I don’t mean friends and family. I’ve stopped thinking about them–they’re just fantasies (to me, at least). I mean the jobs and schools and other opportunities. If you haven’t “made it” by age X, then nobody gives a damb ’cause you MUST be a loser.
Im 44 years old and have been unhappy for such a long time, i used to think it was because i was gay, then i thought it was because i was gay and maried with 4 kids, now after 14 years of trying my wife and i have seperated so that i can have some psace and she can have some space… i am so unhappy. i have 4 wonderful kids but i cant be with them for long because it reminds me i am living a lie, i cant connect with friends because i second guess myself as to my motives for wanting to be thier friend, i think i want to be alone and when i am i feel so empty i grab desperately for some one to pay attention to me. i hate feeling this way because i feel so ungrateful for the things i have which are good in my life. but the truth of it is i am so fed up with the up hil slog life seems to be that i just want out… i havent got the courage to take my own life but the though of lving one more day is crushing, so depressing and the pain in my chest…. i just want to rip it out with a knife, just cut a whole and keep ripping. its too much
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@bah: I soooooo hear where you’re coming from. Tonight I almost took off, being certain as I am that nothing can really change. But they give up on us so quickly. I don’t mean friends and family. I’ve stopped thinking about them–they’re just fantasies (to me, at least). I mean the jobs and schools and other opportunities. If you haven’t “made it” by age X, then nobody gives a damb ’cause you MUST be a loser.
…
Im 44 years old and have been unhappy for such a long time, i used to think it was because i was gay, then i thought it was because i was gay and maried with 4 kids, now after 14 years of trying my wife and i have seperated so that i can have some psace and she can have some space… i am so unhappy. i have 4 wonderful kids but i cant be with them for long because it reminds me i am living a lie, i cant connect with friends because i second guess myself as to my motives for wanting to be thier friend, i think i want to be alone and when i am i feel so empty i grab desperately for some one to pay attention to me. i hate feeling this way because i feel so ungrateful for the things i have which are good in my life. but the truth of it is i am so fed up with the up hil slog life seems to be that i just want out… i havent got the courage to take my own life but the though of lving one more day is crushing, so depressing and the pain in my chest…. i just want to rip it out with a knife, just cut a whole and keep ripping. its too much