26,father of 2 beautiful kids & a huge failure…only think about death

Cheer up man you still have alot going for you, im 20, no friends, no likeable or relatable family members, so im basically the black sheep of my entire family. And your kids man, gotta think about the kids, that’d scar them for life. Theres always someone who cares, who’ll listen, but all you gotta do is just reach out, i mean you already got 4 people who already commented that want to help, possibly total strangers, man i had people i thought who were my best friends, one almost like a brother, they all turned their back on me, and still don’t know what went wrong. So now im alone, broke, living at home still, and havn’t beleived im loved by anyone for years, basically im already dead inside. But theres still hope for you man, don’t you want to see your kids graduate high school, the look on their face after you tell them how proud you are. And as for your ex gf, my friend sometimes women are just plain nutty, if its clean its too clean, not clean enough youre lazy, ya know? And yeah man, pain killers are awesome sometimes, only until they wear off, which is why i stopped, i always use the saying “because i can’t afford an addiction”, because no one can. I mean if you would do anything weed is alright, im not condoning doing it, but saying it helps. Drinking and painkillers are downers and will always be, but you can’t OD on weed, and it melts the stress and sadness right off, it does come back don’t get me wrong, but with moderation of the useage its almost like a therapy, i self medicated like that and after a while forgot why i would get upset in the first place, and well, can’t be upset if i cant remember why i was in the first place. Just take things day to day, i know im basically like a kid compared to you, but eveyone has some knowledge to share, young or old. Don’t get me wrong i think about trying to commit suicide again, but only because knowing i have the option to escape is relief enough. And the teen years man, those might be rough, but it’ll give a reason to live to put them on the straight-and-narrow. Wouldn’t you feel bad if you knew your own flesh and blood was messing up their life and you can’t do a thing about it? Just take life in moderation, day by day, you can’t take on the world all in a day. Please take what i say into consideration, i know its a long comment, but there isnt enough space here for me to tell you why you NEED to be here, your kids don’t have to have a father, but they NEED on and im 110% sure they WANT one. Keep your chin up man, 26 is still young.