I don’t know why i keep trying to fix my life when i have no control anyways. My dad committed suicide when i was 3. I was sexually abused when i was 6. my family is broken. I wanted to go to law school but i can never focus to study because i feel like such a loser. I finally start to lose weight and then something happens and i get depreased and start emotionally eating again. I dont think anyone truly cares for me. I feel so alone and im tired of hurting myself. I just want everything to end.
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Hi, you shouldn’t think you’re not important, because you are! I know all these people hurt you a lot, but they shouldn’t let their action interfere in the way you think of yourself! You have dreams! Your dream should define who you are, if you follow them, you can change your life and other people’s lives as well. Trust me, you’re not alone! If you want to talk, or if you feel lonely somehow, please, you can contact me. My email is: essentialandrare@hotmail.com . You’re not alone!
I’m Lost: Sorry to hear you have been abused, ignored, and had a family model for suicide. How old are you?
27
CF (“Im Lost”): Sounds like you haven’t had a chance yet in life, emotionally speaking. Have you had any “treatment” for what others have done to you? Someone with whom to work it through and find a different, more satisfying way of living?
I did go to therapy. But the sexual abuse as a child has only impacted my life more recently. my family betrayed me and now that im depressed the sexual abuse comes into play. It makes me feel so low. As in, it cant get worse. I have a great job but thats all i have. I wanted to go to law school to become a child rights advocate. ive been in depression for 6 years. Ive done everything from cutting to drinking to taking pills. I recently wanted to take care of myself but when i look at myself it makes me mad. i have stretch marks. people dont call me fat but i feel like a ugly fat cow. I dont like going out. I rather just go to the movies alone.
The therapist had told me i should move on with life and let everything go. I tried that. Bht my family is manipulative. I started the gym to to gain back my confidence and my mom would tell me what people said about me. Thankfully i got a job within a week of when that happened. I live with my aunt and work. But all my aunt talks about is girls my age being married and having kids. I have a bf who isnt financially stable yet. Hes trying. But ive lost faith in him and everyone else. I dont know what love is or what a family is suppose tobe.
coherentfailure: sometimes conventional therapeutic methods don’t fit the situation. It’s awfully hard to let everything go, when you’ve suffered so much and been treated so poorly. And of course you don’t know what a loving family looks like.
It does sound like some things are Ok, at least, like your job. Maybe your aunt is Ok to you, but the two of you may not share the same values. She may not be consciously aware she is nagging you. And the boyfriend, he cares about you still? He isn’t financially stable yet, but in this economy that is difficult. Not a reason to discount the relationship.
But in regard to depression, there’s a type of energy therapy called “emotional freedom tapping” and “re-matrixing” that seems to have great potential for treating trauma and moving people into a different emotional place. There are also more innovative medications being used for depression, like ketamine and MDMA.
I’m no one to be trying to talk someone else out of suicide, as I’ve made up my mind. But your situation, painful as it is, sounds fixable.
Trust me: law school is not the answer… it’s been about the worst mistake of my life.