Life of me…Shitty huh? I WANNA DIE

Okay, so let’s start from when i was 2 months old. My dad got arrested, and soon my mom broke up with him, so it was just me, my mom, and brother for 2 years. Then my mom married a man, i never knew about not having a daddy, i was young and happy. I always thought my step dad was my real biological father. Then my mom told me at the age of 9. That’s when i remember on my 5th birthday i got a birthday card, but i didn’t know who it was from..Now i know. At age of later 9, my mom got sick, she looked bad. Her legs were swollen and she was sick all the time. She finally went to the hospital and they said she had Hepititus C. I cried and was so happy when she got out. But she had a lot of fluids in her belly so she looked pregnant. This year, i had to face my mother going back to the hospital. I cried but i remember one time when i went she promised i would be able to see her normal again. I prayed every night for her. Then one night, at the fair, i was with my friend, my grandparents got a call. They told me we would have to leave and i would have to go home. My mom was transfered to the Stanford hospital/college. I prayed harder. As hard as life was at home, it was hard at school. I would get called names such as : whore, slut, dumb, stupid, etc. I cried. Me and my brother were always home alone, because my mom had to have someone around her 24/7. So my grandparents would be going there and back all the time when my step-dad worked. I cried every night. Then one night, they were going , i was in the living room playing the ps3, having a decent night. Until.. 30-40 minutes later, i heard someone come in and i heard crying. I ran to my brothers room, my grandma was sobbing with my brother and my grandpa was too. Then i just thought, “no..it.. can’t be..” My grandma yelled she was gone. I just ran to my brother and cried and cried. I loved my mom, she was always there for me..She knew me. Better then anyone else in this sad world. But on November 1st, she passed away. I cry myself every night to sleep, hoping god will just take me away. I want my life over. I hate it. At my mom’s funeral, her cousin was there shedding only a couple of tears. A long time ago, some girl she barely knew passed and she sobbed like a *****, then my mom, who took care of her and her kids passes and she only sheds tears!? I hate her. My grandparents ask if anythings wrong, or things. Now, they don’t trust me. Because, I don’t eat , I look so sad, they caught scissors or blades in my room several times. I wish, my life would end. It’s been a hell anyway. So i think i wanna end my life. I pray that it will.. i just need something to help..