When i was around 13 a close family friend took me on holiday. He abused me. Not badly in fact i dont even think what he did was bad. Until a medic told me so. Anyway i started dressing strange in ways that would bring attention to myself. When people were shocked at what i was doing i liked the attention. Then i got married to a wonderful wife. Then after around 7 years i went into self destruct. I hated myself and wanted to be abused again. I would sleep with anyone that wanted to sleep with me. I got divorced and desperately wanted love and sex. I also had many thoughts about abusing young girls and would fantasise about it. I was confused because i felt they were both the same. Sex and love. They are not. Sex is for making babies and refreshing. Love is unselfish kindness that you feel for another person. Anyway im writing this because a cognizant behavioural therapist really helped me.
She helped me to see that thoughts are not things. No thoughts are bad. You cannot stop birds flying over your head thats what thoughts are like. In fact if you have thoughts about abusing children its because you are the least likelyperson to  carry them out. Its because the thought shocks you that you think about it. If you were not scared of doing it you wouldn’t think of it. So when a thought like that comes in your head just say oh theres that crazy thought again it will go away in a minute. Don’t get shocked by the thought its not your fault. Another great help are magazines by Jehovah’s witnesses they are called the awake and watchtower they have great articles on self esteem and loving others and learning to love yourself.  I never get sad thoughts anymore. Im truly happy. See a CBT  they can really help you …