I cannot believe I’m actually doing this. For so long I wanted to have somebody to talk to, without him or her having to answer or to talk back, just to listen, and I feel it’s finally happening. It’s not a solution, is just a step.
I’m lonely. I’m scared. I’m afraid that all I’ll ever be is just that, lonely, scared, loser, a nobody. No one understands me and nobody really wants to. I’m trying to keep all my friends away from my thoughts because I am afraid I would lose them, especially since I have only 3 friends. If, by any chance, I let my guard down and they see how sad I really am, they run. Nobody wants a sad person by their side.
And at home is Christmas. Everybody is happy, my family is happy and making all the preparations for the holidays, without having the slightest idea of what’s in my soul. For them I am just a disappointment. For my friends I am that person to avoid because she hates Christmas and tries to be happy all the time, even though she is actually not.
I cannot believe I’m saying this, but sometimes, I really wish it would be the end of the world, or at least my end. Maybe one day I will not wake up in the morning. Maybe it would be better then. I’m tired of being lonely, so tired that it actually hurts. And it always becomes harder around Christmas. I want to make it stop.
19 comments
yeah your right nobody wants a stick in the mud around! oh except for us we love stick in the muds on here! nobody is that happy everyone is faking you out too! that’s what it’s all about.
theyetiforest ,
why don’t you like Christmas? are you scrouge or what?
Christmas is always that time of the year when everybody reminds me of what I am not and what I should have been, according to them. And they do it so directly that I can almost feel how the knives enter through skin and flesh.
theyetiforest,
come on like what? i’m not being smart but are you sure they remind you or are you just thinking that,people don’t usualy try to hurt people at xmas.
My people try it every day, only at Christmas it becomes harder, hence the not-liking part. And they actually use the words: you are a disappointment and you will forever be one.
theyetiforest,
who’s “they”?
Especially parents. This time of the year, close uncles and aunts, and my grandmother. Sometimes, even my friends.
ok why are you a disappointment to them?
I don’t think they know it either. Probably because I’m not a big ass something and I’m not rulling the world at 23.
Hey theyetiforest, I could relate to every word you wrote! Expect the part where you have 3 friends, I only have one. Ahah. I don’t know if this will sound weird or not but you’re a true inspiration. Because you obviously make me feel like I’m not the only one who feels that way and has those thoughts.
i think you think that about yourself and they know it and are kidding you or trying to get you to do something about it?
Hey loveisdifficult, glad to help. I’m pretty sure we are not the only ones in this situation, but just like me, they are afraid to make it known. I only did it now because nobody know my identity…
@rocketman
I’m not sure what your deal is, if you are here just to annoy people and make them feel worse about themselves or not, but I’m pretty sure I know when people are making fun of me and when they are not. Not everybody has a good family with people who care about them. Not everybody is living a dream, and you make is sound like my problems and others’, are nothing. I haven’t shared my thoughts to have somebody tell me it’s all in my head. I already know that and still, there nothing I can do now about it.
Yes, I only joined today, knowing I can just say what I feel and what I think without judgment or people calling me attention seeking helps. Because I know when I come on here and write how I feel, no body will know me, no body will judge me.
theyetiforest,
“I cannot believe I’m actually doing this. For so long I wanted to have somebody to talk to, without him or her having to answer or to talk back”
the problem is you don’t want to hear it! i’m sorry if i made you upset i knew this would happen but i wanted to show you.
@rocketman
To show me what? You think I haven’t already tried everything, or that I haven’t though it in all the possible ways? Whenever I’m trying to talk to somebody, just like with you, now, it ends up bad, because apparently the general thought is that I want to be like this. I don’t. I’m depressend, I’m not stupid or without a limb. Is just getting harder especially when people like you believe they have the answer for everybody. Do you know how many people made me weak and stupid because I said, one single time, that I feel lonely and tired? Many people did. I know it seems easy from the outside, but you don’t know how it is to be me, so please, don’t pretend to understand my psycology and the way I think. If you want to help me talk to me, don’t accuse me of doing nothing or puttin my thoughts into my parents’ mouth. I know how they call me and I know what they thing, and it breaks my heart and I have absolutely nothing to do about it right now. Did you get your answer?
@loveisdifficult
That’s the same reason I joined in. Honestly, I didn’t even thought I will get to talk to somebody, I just wanted to tell how I feel, without a certain listener. It’s like I’m imploding a little bit every day when I’m not talking about it.
theyetiforest ,
Yeah I did you don’t want to listen. And everything is impossible I get like that too! But I only hurt myself. We don’t need to be mean to each other sorry if I don’t listen and just kiss your ass.
@rocketman
But you didn’t listen, you just made me feel crazy, and that I do not appreciate. If I want that I can talk with whomever near me, they will probably think the same. And you were the first to start to be mean, and I’m sorry, but I’m not doing it anymore. I don’t know what your purpose is here, but I’m just gonna stop. This was supposed to be the place where nobody makes me feel worse than in my real life and nobody judges me. Have a nice day!
theyetiforest,
ok i love you! you are right! sorry i made you feel worse and crazy, i wanted to help and to feel better. have a great day.