Things Get Better?

I know that alot of people have been through alot more then i’ve probably been through,(i’m only 13 of course). Here a undetailed story of my life.

I’ve been a cranky kid my whole life and i’ve never been a likeable person . My parents divorced when i was five or six. My mom told me we were going to sleep over at a apartment for a while but now that I think about its funny…. I think. I started to become a unlikeable child after that because of going through many random rages of anger. I fought alot with my little sister. During that time my dad brainwashed me that my mom was evil and that women were evil too. He made me hate being a girl to the point were I kinda became a tomboy. I didn’t dress like a boy but I wouldn’t wear girly pigtails and i wouldn’t wear “cute” colors like pink. ( my dad said it was a mexican color). Perhaps my dad was sexist and he didn’t know it.

I was seven years old when he whipped me with an electrical cord. It was orange I will always remember. I told my mom and she pressed charges but I didn’t want to put my dad in jail so we dropped charges. When a detective tryed to question him about the situation he assulted an officer and went to jail. My  aunt had who bail him out and ever since then i’ve been disliked in the family.

My mom had full custody but she came from honduras and she didn’t have a college degree so she had to work at low pay jobs. She would work alot and she was the only member from her own family besides my sister and I. This is why we had to spend alot of time with my dad who would also work because he was a wealthy business man. He would drop us off with my grandma who lived with my grandpa aunt my uncle and my cousin. My aunt would always talk crap about my  mom and I’d always contradict her. They would call her a slut and a whore ( which wasnt true at all) Back then I didn’t know my mom was suffering from depression due to their verbal abuse.

My sister and my cousin were best friends and I was always different. They joked that I was fat and they would make fun of my body compared to their skinny slim figures. I felt like I didn’t belong. At school I was bullyed ( details about that another time).

My mom didn’t have enough money to pay the apartment rent so she got evicted while I was spending the summer with my dad. Deep inside my heart I knew it was because my dad didn’t pay our child support. We slept in a car for a while then we stayed with my moms friend until our ex pastor from many years ago said we could stay with him and his family.

They had a nice house and they seemed like a perfect family. The pastor was nice and funny. His wife was beginning to become besties with my mom. They had one 21 year old boy in college and they had a 17 and 12 year old daughter. The 17 year old was cool but the 12 year old around my age was …. evil. ( more about  that another time)

She was just plain mean. Would insult me and my dad who she said didn’t love me. ( i still dont know the truth)

I was in 4th grade and I was in a combination 4th/5th grade class and there were only 9 other 4th graders. All of  them but one would bully me.  I couldnt take it I would hide in the bathroom and cry because I wanted to die.

By 5th grade I moved to another school were my cousin went because it was closer to were my mom currently lived with our pastors family. I wasn’t bullied anymore but during that time I became shy and rude. I made new friends and I didn’t really have problems in school. I became a nerd? I wanted to get good grades because I wanted to go to college to get away from the verbal abuse of my dad and his family.

I’m in 8th grade now, I have friends and stuff but they don’t understand what i’m going through. I’ve recently found out the truth about my dads current girlfriend ( more about that later too. I also feel very ugly I just really hate my face. I hate my long nose, small lips, and small eyes. But maybe i’m just going crazy. I just want to kill myself but I want to stay strong for my mom and my friends not those blood related jerks that call themselves family.

My problems are at home now. I’m still depressed but more than ever. I’m also kinda having my first romance. I have a boyfriend now who also seems to suffer from depression so now I have a shoulder to cry on. Things are getting better.

I want to thank God for pulling me through this. I know most of you folks don’t believe in God( i didnt either but now i do). Anyways I really hope things get better for you guys too. My life isn’t perfect and I know I’m still feeling pain in my heart but I know things are getting better for me and maybe for you too I hope.