When your parents raise you one way, but act another. I was raised to never beg anyone to stay. And be optimistic. Things can always get worse. I was raised to love and forgive but always know what you deserve and my dad is doing the complete opposite and asking me to do the same. Im over this shit. Im not begging, Im not saying sorry, mostly because Im not wrong. He wants to say oh “You and her ruined my life” Like are you fucking kidding me, Ive sacrificed my pride for you to fucking be with your wife but its my fault?  God! And you know what….I wish I could talk to my other best friend about this but I cant because shes my ex and we dont talk anymore because she lied to me about being in love with me. I miss her and I wish we could just be friends but theres no fucking trust, so I’ll just stay away until I fucking forget it all.
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Hello MusicMatters,
I’m not trying to be rude…but were you just a little bit angry when you wrote this?
I’m not even saying you don’t have the right to be angry. But anger never makes things better…how can it. Re read your post…I dunno…perhaps I’m just a slow old woman…but i couldn’t make head nor tails of it.
I had no problem getting the fact that you are hurting and scared and confused…but the anger is a poor coping skill…I’ve used it and still use it…because it effectively keeps everyone away from you. So…I saw you talking to my friend GoodGirl the other night…she rarely comments ..so you must be special.
But could you perhaps explain what it is you are asking? What you need? And we’ll try to be here for you.
Peace
Amakua
I was mad, but Im not anymore. When I get mad I usually walk away and try to vent. Try to breathe, but last night I was so mad. I didnt put all the details into my post last night. Im alright, I wouldnt say Im special but you arent a slow old woman, I just didnt put all the details in.
Hey MusicMatters,
Use the music as a coping skill. I used to sit down at the piano…start with something gloomy or angry in a minor key…and play my way out…get up after an hour…take a deep breath and get on with my day. Oh yeah…the neighbour’s loved me…haha But it worked for me…what do you think?
I’ve used music all my life as a coping skill…and make playlists for the different situations and tasks even. Might be worth a try? Play your way under control?
I think your special…but then that isn’t your problem is it? It’s you not KNOWING that you are special that is the current issue. Oh…and when the music doesn’t work…I kick the crap out an inanimate object…I keep a steady supply of junk furniture and dressers out back…just in case…hahaha 😀
Hope you’re feeling better today…you sound a wee bit better
Peace
Amakua
HAHAHA 🙂 Old furniture :). Music helps, music helps everything. Im good today. I hope youre good today. You seem pretty awesome 🙂
Hey MusicMatters
It would be funnier if it weren’t true…haha(the furniture) But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I am glad that music helps you as well…but I have to be very careful about what I listen to…it actually does affect my moods eh? I’m so pleased you are having a better day…and I am not awesome…I am old. 😛
Peace
Amakua
IDC if your old, your still awesome :). Im glad Im feeling better too. It affects my mood too. 😀
Hey MusicMatters,
Thank you. But the best thanks I got was seeingthe smiley faces in your comment…haha I find that I am sensitive to everything…other people’s emotions and moods, books, movies, esp. some tv programming. I have just learned to limit my exposure to certain things. Even some types of music have a negative effect on me…so I have to be very careful. For example…I love a lot of Nickelback’s lyrics…but the music is always very “heavy”…and his voice is like he is screaming in pain…to me…like nails on a chalkboard. Makes me edgy. That is just one example. So I like the message and the music…when I find an artist that delivers both…I’m good. Now you will understand I am old. I find most, not all of today’s music is angry, angsty or demeaning. So what do you listen to if you don’t mind me asking.
Cut yourself some slack and listen to and play only music that is good for you. Yes sometimes we need to be sad and melancholy…a pause for reflection…but don’t forget to play yourself back out…or you will remain edgy until you explode and can find an outlet for it. Like when I am interrupted….then there’s always the furniture eh? 😀 haha
Glad you’re feeling better
Ama…old Auntie Ama…haha 😛
I defiantly like all kinds of music but what I listen to depends on my mood. I usually listen to music that inspires me and has feeling. Anything real. I write and when I write its so raw and real it amazes me. For the past couple of days though Ive been listening to a sub genre of dubstep, called chillstep. Blackmill – Spirit Of Life. I really love it. Tonight hasn’t been that great. But I guess thats okay. Ill get over it. You cant make it in this world with a weak heart. Life doesnt wait on weak hearts. You should definatly listen to the Blackmill song. Its defiantly filled with emotion and it amazes me because theres not one lyric in it. I wonder what the composer was feeling at the time? Its now the song that calms every bone in my body and honestly the silence does that too these days. I dont watch much TV, every once in a while I’ll watch fox news because I want to know what Im talking about when I debate with someone but I love Nickelback too. I used to listen to them all the time. I like A Day to Remember, You Me At Six, Some country and some rap. Music is honestly the one thing I find comfort in besides my best friend. Im sensitive to people and their feelings, so I know how that is.
OMG MusicMatters,
I am listening to it now….are you kidding me? Dubstep…didn’t know what it was…haha…and that is even funnier…haha In my last post I was gonna reccommend you check out Mannheim Steamroller…my fave…especially the seven chakras…but it is old, weird stuff and I have only ever found one other that can relate to it. Dubstep…awesome. I believe Steamroller originated this genre of music…electronic. If none of this makes sense…your fault…I keep getting lost in the music. Music the Universal language.
Here I am having what feels almost like a spiritual experience with a complete stranger. Ya gotta love music. I don’t really even know if you are m/f, teen, young adult, obviously not an oldster…haha. But I am extremely sensitive…so nice to meet another sensitive…sorta. Now I understand much better…are you clairsentient as well?
The only genres I have trouble with so far are metal, grunge and rap…other than that I can listen to someone play the spoons… 😀 hahaha I have very eclectic taste in music…haha But if the music is angry…I am angry. If the music is joyful…I am joyful. So now I have something new …thank you.
It has been awesome talking to you. And to think I almost didn’t comment…because the anger was offputting… 🙁 Nice to see you are soooo much more than just angry. 🙂 And I especially liked this…”Life doesnt wait on weak hearts” You are right…especially when all we are really afraid of…is ourselves.
Keep your chin up
Ama
Haha, Dubstep is pretty cool but some of it angry. So I listen to chillstep. I listened to Mannheim Steamroller. They are old, but I kind of like it. Female. !8 years old. Young Adult…sure….but not really. I know I still have alot of growing to do. I dont think so. About the clairsentient. I kind of just know people, Ive been through alot in my life and Im good at reading people and Knowing how they are feeling. I wouldnt consider it a gift but there are just things that I know. Im alot more then some angery teenager, I promise. I dont really get mad all that often. Im deep and real and open minded. Im strong or so Im told by alot of people, I fall and I stand right back up ad when the going gets tough people lean on me, because Im the rock that wont break (or only breaks behind closed doors). We are all afraid of ourselves. I am my greatest enemy. I hope you have a wonderful day 🙂
Hey MusicMatters,
Chillstep…got it..ha. Are you sure you are only 18? I could so relate to your self description…the strong one. I have joked that I am like the consummate clown punching bag…the ones you knock down and they come right back up for more..haha
I recognize you are a fellow sensitive…which is why I was asking about clairsentience….like sensing and feeling things. Ummm…like I feel like something awful is gonna happen…and then it does. Or even though someone is laughing or smiling…the feeling I get from them is sadness….or picking up emotions from people you pass on the street. Ah well…perhaps it’s better if you are not. Even gifts can seem like a curse sometimes. 🙁
“We are all afraid of ourselves. I am my greatest enemy.” Are you sure you are only 18? That is pretty self-aware for someone so young. Hell…most of the folks my age aren’t that self-aware…they are sheeple…hehe 😀 But now that you know this…how do we fix this? What works for you? Or are you still treading water?
Hope you are having a wonderful day 🙂 I’m just glad to being having a day!! 😀
Peace
Ama
Maybe I am….because I do get bad feelings, like I know when something is wrong, when something is right. And Ive always kind of said, its my gut. I feel this heaviness in my heart or stomach. Like in relationships I know when something is going to happen. I only get that feeling when its bad. I call it my gut and I’ll be quite honest. My gut has never been wrong. So I try to follow it as much as possible. Im not like most 18 year olds, I know. Im different, thats one of the reasons why I only have one true friend. Becusee I dont have time for the games most other teenagers my age play. I dont play games, Im not good at it.
I am my greatest enemy, Im my biggest critic, when I get a bad grade or I do less than I think I should, I criticize myself most. My family can say how disappointed they are but I always say, not as disappointed as I am in myself. I know myself, and it took a long hard road for me to find myself and know myself the way I do. So much struggle. I try to be the best I can be because its the only way to be. If I can help someone I will help them. I have to. I have this overwhelming want and need to help people and change lives in a way no one ever thinks of. The truth being, when I die, hopefully from old age….I want the world to be a little less. When I come into someones life, I want to leave it different. I want to leave them forever changed. Weather it jst be the girl at McDonalds saying, “She Made me laugh” or the guy down the road, saying “She walked with me or she smiled at me”. I want to make change, I want to be the change I wish to see in the world.
I always come back up for more. Punch me once, Ill jump up saying “Hit me again”. Thats how you have to be. Most people dont know at my age, life doesnt cut you a break. Im happy to be having a day too. The sun rose this morning and Im happy about it
🙂
Wow…awesome. You inspire me to continue as well. Wow.
The bad feelings I get are in the solar plexus or gut as well. The good feelings I feel in the heart. Frustration I feel in my neck. Inspiration comes through the top of my head…but then these are all chakras eh?
Ah well…it could be worse I suppose…I could be clairaudient. No voices here…nope. Just these sometimes overwhelming feelings or knowings I guess you could say. I always regret not paying attention to them.
You really are amazing…but I don’t want to punch you…I want to hug you 😀
Life is hard enough…haha and I should know!!!
A fellow punching bag
Ama
I wanna hug :(…. 😛 🙂 You should listen to Scott Stapp – Broken. Scott Stapp was the lead singer of Creed. 🙂 Im glad you dont want to punch me….I dont want to punch me either….Or you haha :P… I have to warn you, the song is really deep
Hey MusicMatters,
Having a good day are we? 🙂 I have heard some Creed…thanks to my son, and I understand that Scott Stapp has started a solo career and why…but still..the lyrics are awesome…the music is heavy and discordant and angry…WHY? Good lyrics though…are you a Xtian? hahaha 😛 No I don’t want to punch you!!! I want to hug you and pet you and squeeze you and call you George…hahaha 😀 Ever seen that Bugs Bunny cartoon? hahaha Do you like Creed’s Higher btw?
Lots of Love
Ama
I do love that song. I really do. I am having a good day, I usually have good days. HAHAHA yes I have seen that cartoon. You have kids? How many? I bet theyre awesome 🙂
Hey MusicMatters,
I don’t want to scare you … but yes I have children..haha But they are 32, 31 and 16. Not really children. I think they are awesome…but they don’t…but then I am older and wiser than them…so who do you think is right? 😀 But like most kids they drive me nutz…and I love them just the same. So do you mind if I call you George? JK but a virtual hug is on its way luv.
Won’t probably be around much for the next few days…that holiday thing eh? But I am already starting to reflect back on the last year…getting ready for the new one…and I have come a long way since last year. How about you? How was your year?
Lots of Love and a virtual hug
Ama
Virtual Hug was received, I havent been on much either, spending alot of my time with my best friend. I have come a long way since last year, walked away from 2 relationships. Im uh gay, I hope you dont have a problem with that but I walked away from a long standing friendship and a girl I loved and cared for for 4 years in the beginning of the year. I just realized I had, had enough of her shit, know what I mean. She told alot of lies about how she “loved” me. But she didnt and lead me on and then I met another girl and fell in love with her, we were together 6 months and she did the same…lead me on. Please dont compare me to the kids who fall in love alot, I have dated 7 to 10 people and only fell in love twice. Yeah…Crazy Huh? But my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago…and I walked away from her when I found out she lead me on. Every once in a while we’ll talk but not much. So my life is completely different. Im different. Ive changed.. Ive learned.
My Ex is gay, the only thing that bother me abut her is that for months before she broke up with me, she knew how she felt (that she wasnt in love with me) and yet, she still planned a future and a life with me and I offered her a ring (like a promise ring) and she didnt have to, I told her if she wasnt ready please dont take it. But, she did. And got back with her ex…see the problem? But I have to see her alot because the ex she got with is my best friends sister. :). Im still getting over it, still moving on, seeing her is still a bit hard and I had to, all day on the 24th, blah. But Im okay :). Im more comfortable in my own skin. Ive learned to love myself alot more.
Hey MusicMatters,
Random thought…what if your friend loves you so much that she wanted to be in love with you? It doesn’t change the reality…that she isn’t in love with you…but is there no way to salvage the friendship? Perhaps she was just confused about her feelings…maybe she is not really gay. One of my friends went through this sorta thing…only they ended up living together for a few years before my friend found out. They are still distant friends…but my friend went on to find her wife in the gay community. Her partner went on to marry a man and have two kids. They only reconnected though when they were in their present relationships. I know…random random random.
I have been in love a million times…okay perhaps an exageration…haha…but atleast 7 times…or is that 9? Just kidding…sorta…but nothing lasts forever does it…if I can fall out of love…it must be a condition or state of mind and not anything tangible. So therefore I can just as easily fall in love…and I do. But now I don’t fall in and out of love anymore….I learned to love unconditionally…myself..and others. And I learned when to impose conditions on my physical proximity perhaps…but not on my state of mind.
“So my life is completely different. Im different. Ive changed.. Ive learned.”
I love this…but more importantly…how are you different? what have you learned? and as for you changing…that is natural…life is change…it is only when we refuse to change that we get STUCK!!
Hope you find some Peace and Joy this holiday season
Lots of Love
Ama
Hey MusicMatters,
You’re here? hahaha Okay…delete the first paragraph of the last comment and insert it in the other column…hahaha…trash. But please re read the second paragraph…it still applies. 🙂
“But Im okay . Im more comfortable in my own skin. Ive learned to love myself alot more.”
I love love love this. 😀 That is the big secret after all…now isn’t it?
Glad you survived the big day….any resolutions for the New Year? Myself I made it through…but must admit…there was a point when the furniture was looking good…hahaha…but I made it. My resolution for next year is….tada…get rid of the furniture…ahahaha 😛
Also…can’t help it…I’m Canadian eh? Ever listen to any old Rush?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3Vv_V70NFg
Lots of Love
Ama
I dont know, I dont really make resolutions, I usually just end up starting the new year as a failure :P. Yeah, I survived. I defiantly like the new year better. I think Im getting sick though….soooo noooo 🙁 I only think this because When I swallow theres an ache in my chest, not my throat, my chest and when I breath my chest is kind of achy too. My ex was the only one Ive been around thats sick…..YAY :P. I just listened to the link you gave me, I like it, I like the sound and the meaning. You should definatly get rid of the furniture. Im fixing to have to get up and go to the post office, will probably take….ehhh, 5 minutes. Though I dont feel like getting up at all but I must. I do hope you are still here when I get back
Hey MusicMatters,
Will be in and out most of the day. I just came in from having a smoke…and for once I’m glad I don’t have balls…they’d just have froze anyway…hahaha 😀 Man are we getting it bad today…so very good excuse to stay indoors and in my jammies today. 🙂 Gotta love these Canadian winters eh? Just makes us appreciate spring, summer and fall even more…I say…but winter…you can have it…ahahaha…atleast the cold winds…I don’t mind the snow and ice…but my bones…they hate winter more…yup.
I hope your weather is more pleasant…so deep eh?…let’s talk about the weather?…ahahaha but I do hope it is more pleasant…if only cuz you had to go out and you’re not feeling well. 🙁
I love Rush…more for the lyrics than anything else…but yeah…I like the music as well…but then I will listen to yodelling…lmfao…so what does that tell you. A really good ballad kills me though…how about you?
The furniture?…what furniture?…jk…I only really have 3 pieces left…but I have some old doors 😀 …okay, okay….the chair, ottoman, dresser…AND THE DOORS…are going out to the road next week….do you think i should maybe just keep 1 little door?…jk I think….hmmm
Do you think the ache might be caused from overeating? ya know…a wee bit of gas?…how does one say that delicately?…hahaha Do you have a Tums or Rolaids handy? Did you smoke too much? Or sit in a smoke filled room? Just looking for something…cuz I don’t want you to be REALLY sick. 🙁
Ama
Im a Floridan…so yes, our weather is much more pleasent, kind of rainy today but feels nice outside. I dont smoke, but have been around it my whole life, so i dont think its that and IDK about the gas hahahahaha. I dont want to be sick either, my immune system usually kicks ass. I probably get a measly 2 day cold once every 2 years. Not exaggerating. I never get sick. Haha, Maybe you could keep a door, I guess if you must. My nana sent me money, shes so crazy, I said I didnt want anything. She sent me money for my birthday too which was like 3 weeks ago. I actually didnt over eat, I was extremely tired yesterday…..6 hours of sleep in 48 hours will make you that way, so I didnt eat much because I wasnt hungry and I was aggravated hahaa. Which I got some sleep last night. So yeah. :).. Speaking of songs… . Thats a good one 🙂 My favorite at the moment.
Hey MusicMatters,
I didn’t get the link. You don’t have to moderate urls on your own post…so can you just copy and paste it for the old girl? or tell me the artist and title and I will find it.
Hey my Nana gave me money too!! She’s gonna be 96 on Wed. 😀 What are you gonna do with yours? Ummm…I gotta use mine for food. But atleast I’ll have food !! 😉
And maybe that is what you need as well…food!!! Can I borrow your immune system?…hahaha…I am immune compromised. 🙁 but I’m working on it! 🙂 It is amazing what your state of mind can do to your physical health eh?
Waiting on the song 😀
Ama
Swedish House Mafia – Dont you worry Child. Im fixing to go buy food, but I need clothes too so I will probably send it on that. GAH. Haha. Tell me what you think of the song, I love it
OMG….I heard this a couple of weeks ago….one of the kids had changed the radio station in my moms car…hahaha. But I didn’t catch the name of the song or the artist. Normally I would jot lyrics to search…but I didn’t have anything to jot with. Besides I had to pull over…hahaha…couldn’t stop praising and moving long enough to drive safely. How can you listen to this live and not have a spiritual experience?
So THANK YOU…THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME….ooops…pardon my French…hahaha good music…AND…good lyrics.
Thank you
Lots of Love
Ama
Its all good. It is a fucking awesome song…..FOR REAL and no problem. I have to clean the house…..blah 🙁 Im doing the kitchen which was the real disaster area….and then the living room which is the second disaster area LOL
Hey Lady,
Feel free to send me links anytime… 😀 I like.
Gotta run and deal for a bit myself. Had a little medical problem over the holidays…so I have to spiff myself up…change my dressing etc. Don’t want to lose the friggin leg now…haha…but if I do? I’ll learn to HOP to the music…hahaha 😀
I seriously have a play list called…CLEAN THIS HOUSE !! I shit ya not!!
Don’t forget to whistle while you work…later?
Ama
HI!!! I have missed talking to you. Been super busy. I do hope you havent forgotten about me. Im fixing to make a post on here to get some feed back on somethings that have been going on, I hope you read it and give me some feedback 🙂 how is everything in your house, in your life? Things are kind of crazy in mine. With my over thinking and over analyzing my feelings and everyone elses feelings. CRAZY! Im kind of a control freak….just a little. At least about me ya know ?