Will I burn in hell?

I have done so many horrible things to myself, my friends, my family and even people I don’t know.. I just have this tendency to fuck shit up.. and not always in a fun partying kinda way. But in a way of actually just screwing up everything. Things start to get better.. what do i do? Fuck it all up again, and make things worse than before. Its just something I tend to do.

I smoke. Sometimes. I smoke as a relaxation and a chance to regroup and gather myself together. I know it sounds weird, but it helps me think straight again. Even though i myself have never actually been caught smoking, possesing anything, or being high.. i know that its just not okay. Not bad to me.. but that its bad to society and therefore that makes me a horrible bad disgusting druggy.

Girls i dance with, the ones that are only a few years younger than me, their mothers all say how much of a ***** i am. How i am so horrible and that i shouldnt be a senior in our dance company, and i shouldnt be given all of these opportunities. They hate how i am honest with their bratty, spoiled, shitty little kids. I tell them the truth. I tell them when they are being annoying, when they are doing things wrong and when they just need to stop. But my blunt honesty seems to be making all of the mothers hate me, and not trust me, and not want me around their kids.. so im a horrible ***** thats just mean to younger kids.

At School, I am honest about how much i hate my school, and the people in it. who doesnt feel that way about their high school? But because of my honesty, i am genuinly hated by people in my classes. Some people tell me that people really do like me, but they are scared of me? Scared of me? Honestly.. im the one who is scared.

Being myself only gets me in trouble. and whenever i try to do the right things.. i fuck shit up, just like i said before. If I am such a horrible person.. the one people say and think i am, and the horrible person i KNOW i am.. then ill burn in hell.

Burning in hell is what i probably deserve though.. i am an attention seeking, whore, *****, two faced, pysco, unloved, weird ass freak. So thats probably what should happen to me.. and probably will.