They say it’s a selfish act. I say it takes strength.  You leave the ones who care behind.  But where is the caring when you are alive.  It is only when you are gone they show that they care.  How can that be sincere?
I’m here alive now and asking for help. Â I know the fault is mine, but I realise now that I’ve been slowly trying to get out of this useless life for a while now. Â I form no lasting relationships. Â I’m easily let down. Â I started gambling knowing that it is a one way street to destruction. Â Now I’m left with a debt I can no longer manage with no one else to turn to for help.
I want my life to stop but I do not want to be the one to do it. Â Maybe if I screw up my life good enough I’ll reach a point where life just ends.
It’s so strange when I read the stories of suicide. Â It’s always about the people left behind. Â I ask again where are they now, when the loved one is screaming out for help. Â Instead of being the burden of people, being the addict. Â No one wants the addict around, everyone turns their back on them. Â the addict realises that he is indeed a burden on people – trapped in an addiction that he can no longer control and in a situation he no longer can cope with. Â He looks around. No one there. Â Remembers the disappointed faces of the people he hurt. Â So much pain. Â It’s just not fixable any more.
He does not want to cause pain to anyone any more.
It’s not a cowardly act, it takes strength.
He is angered by those who say it is selfish. Â He is angered by those who come to late saying they care. Â He knows they didn’t care enough when it mattered. Â He is angered when they say he should have asked for help. He did, it wasn’t enough. Â It was all my fault. Â I’m the burden.
Well, I’m removing that burden.
Don’t remember me badly. Â I’m not doing this to hurt you. Â I’m doing this to make me free.
3 comments
You sound angry. I hope you find/found peace.
Yes. I’m a bit angry, tired and fedup of it all. And all I can hear around me is don’t stop suffering cause of all the pain you’ll cause others around you.
Where were these “others” through all my pain now and in the past. No one wants to hear about, no one asks additional questions. No one says, hey I’m here for you in your pain.
Hypocrites all of them.
What is the alternative? Suffer through the rest of my 20yrs. I’ve been on this earth long enough to know I’ve had my time. It was full of suffering. It’s time for me to stop living through despair so others don’t feel guilty.
I totally agree why do people say it’s selfish when really they don’t want to know people like us until we kill ourselves? I find that bizzare to be simle about it. It certainly does take strength, others don’t want to admit it. My belief is if people are hurt by it, it’s because they didn’t want to accept you wanted help while you’re alive. It’s ok to feel sad about someone committing suicide, but I think it’ss selfish to wish they hadn’t done it.