Hanging In There..

Uh.. Hey..

So I guess we have to start from the beginning  right?… well, I was brought to this world on February 8 2000. Im  bout to be  in this world for 13 years now. It doesn’t seem  like a very long time, but for me it has been like hell. I’m not your typical 13 year old girl, I have been in places.. Times.. That you couldn’t imagine for a 13 year old. So this is my little story. Or at least half of it so far… I was brought to this world by a 15 year old girl and a 16 year old boy. When I was finally born, my mother didn’t want me.. She thought I had ruined her life, and I actually believe her too. If it was for me she would still be with my dad. I have ruined her life since then. I didn’t live with her, I would only go for visits. My dad on the other hand loves me. He toke care of me and still does. I eventually went to live with my so called mother for about 3 years, I was 3, the place where she lived was for drug addicts, I had no clean clothes nor food to eat. We didn’t have a place to sleep until she found her abusive new boyfriend, he toke us in. In those 3 year that I was stuck in that hell, I had also learned. I eventually knew how to steal from people’s wallets, purses, pockets, you name it. I had no choice, my mother would leave me with the lesbian.. I had to sleep with her at night, she was a 14 year old, she actually never hurt me, she was nice and toke care of me when she could. When I was 2 my mother used to give my something, I cant really explain what it was because I really don’t know what it was. She would just tell me to eat it.. And so I did as I was told.. In those times, my ‘mothers’ boyfriend abused her.. He would hit her in front of me, he would rape her in front of me.. It was a nightmare everyday.. After that she send me back with my dads family. They would take care of me, and still  do .. After that I began school, in school I was the freak. At the age of  6 I was making girls kiss each other, and I would do the same.. It was, you can call it, our little game. I began to notice that I wasn’t like that, that that girl wasn’t me.. So I stopped. I then moved to California. A new life by the age of 8. I had changed.. I wasn’t that innocent little girl my real family used to knowI in those years that I was with my mother, those years changed my life. Changed me. I kept stealing until the age of 10, when I was cought  Stealing more than 200 hundred dollars at school. Since it was my first mistake in school, my record reminds clean. That was in 4th grade, that year I started with my self-harm, my depression.  I became more sad, more stressed by the minute. I had stress over everything and I still do. I became addicted to self-harming, i now cut every single night. Hoping my days in this world will end with those deep cuts. I have tried to committee suicide more than 7 times.. But I always end up fucking waking up!! Why!?! Why does he just let me! I’m sick of it!… In 5th grade I fell for this guy.. I liked him since 4 grade actually, but in 5 grade was when I started loving him? I love him. May 15 2012 he asked me out. Happiest day of my life!.. Anyways, elementary ended. I was glad.. I have always been bullied, I still am. So summer went by, and that’s when I met Ana. My new best friend. I stopped eating, I have stopped eating. I’m 5’7 and went from a healthy 118lb to 90lb, in just those months.. I have now been more stressed then ever. With school on my mind, my new alcoholic dad. He become Alcoholic when my brothers mom left.. I have so much more to tell.. But for now this is it. I just have to hang in there.. Until then,

Your not so perfect little girl..