I DONT want to take the benzos

Any kind of benzos have lists of possible side effects pages long. Plus do not operate heavy machinery blah blah blah. Temazepam is generally prescribed for insomnia as opposed to panic or anxiety attacks like diazepam or lorazepam. I think anyway, I don’t actually have a pharmacy degree like my girlfriend.
I’m on lorazepam at the moment, but I normally, I only take it when I need it. I’ve taken them with alcohol too. Both with and without suicidal intentions, really the only difference is the quantity that I took. You’re not supposed to take it with alcohol, but sometimes, I don’t care. Alcohol makes both the effect of the pills stronger, and the pills make the alcohol stronger.

First time I tried (properly) to kill myself last year, I took around 12 and half a bottle of vodka. I threw up everywhere and passed out, somehow without the noose I had prepared in my closet around my neck. Flatmate found me because of the smell and called an ambulance. It was really messy. My room smelled of vodka and acid and it was everywhere.
I didn’t die though.

Even if you take enough of both to actually kill yourself, it’s not going to be like just going to sleep the way people die in movies.

The pills are probably not as bad as you think they are. You might as well just take them once, and not again if you have a bad experience, but if you use them properly, you should be fine. It will probably be healthier for your mood in general to get some decent sleep. But, I’m not a doctor, just some guy, so maybe I’m wrong.