I spend my first new years alone last night, it was tragic. I’ve just walked out of my shitty part time job because after two years of being spoken down to by the scum of the earth I couldn’t take it anymore. Despite just turning 20, I’m still working through my last year at college. I struggled majorly in my last year of school and was constantly dismissed as an attention seeker. As a result, i only managed to obtain one B at GCSE level and no A levels. After wriggling my way into a good college aged 18, I thought my prayers had been answered, although it was only a BTEC. I’m doing very well, but I doubt any universities will look twice at me with one GCSE and 2 distinction* BTECS. When I’d just ‘finished’ school I made a serious attempt on my own life, I took 60 co-codomol and blacked out. When I woke up, I was in hospital, alone, puking green slime and absorbing the disapproving looks from the nurses around me. Nobody knows about this except my parents, two heavy drinkers who didn’t even make it to midnight last night. I could have been out with my friends, I could have been working, but all I wanted to do was cry.
I’m posting because I haven’t felt this though since my last attempt, I have no one to talk to and I’m trying to be sensible by recognising the signs. I need something, a way out, a friend, help.
3 comments
I’m glad that you came here. I can’t help. But, look, its really great that you’re in college, not all make it to college. And your last year you say so that too. Congratulations you’re almost there. Of course you van get to university. If not this time, then the next. I’m 19 and I dont have good grades at all. And okay I didn’t make it to university so I’m kind of good example of failure but I got in to another school and I think I can, you can in case it goes wrong to try again.
And hey you can have new new year today and yesterday and even after week. Dont think that this will all ruin your life. You can find new job and good education and stuff.
Yes, I’m kind of bad in expressing myself :l but dont take any pills
Are they any friend’s you can talk to.? What about your G.P.? Employers Like BTEC. You can get a good job without going to universitie. Universitie not for everybody anyway. And if you found A levels hard then Un not for you. It’s not the end of the world. What about doing a Apprenticeship. You got a BTEC so you easy find a good one.
hey baby girl. i know what ur feeling, i spent my new years alone too, someone asked me to babysit for them and i jumped at the chance just to be on my own and not to have to talk to anyone! all of my friends were out celebrating but no i just wanted to be alone. i cant tell u that u will just stop feeling like this and the feelings will just fade because most likely they wont, but u have to try finding a way of dealing with them.. personally i cant find a way of dealing with mine and i dont see any other way out! i really would love to be able to talk to u, i understand what ur going through.