I can’t think of the words to put in this. I’ve lived a good life, as good as it can be. As much as it hurts you to see me gone, it hurts me to have to live, just because you want me to be alive. Why should it matter that I’m dead when it doesn’t bother you that I’m suffering while I was alive. I’m bothered that you lot are in pain. Do you care that me dying will be more peaceful? All you care about is seeing me alive and not wanting me to go, with no respect for the peace I so want for myself. I don’t want to leave you guys forever and never see yous all again. What else do I do when I can’t stop or prevent my suffering, my misery? Are you sorry about that, or more sorry about me needing to live because it’s better for me to be miserable so yous are happy, and not the other way around? Logically, both ways are equally just as bad aren’t they? If I stay alive, I suffer in my own life and you guys do too. But when I’m dead, yous are still unhappy at times, I’m peaceful though. Are yous just jealous that you can’t get the peace the way I’ve got mine?
Mum and Dad, you’ve been very bothersome to me. Mum, it doesn’t bother you that people die, and Dad, you wouldn’t be happy, but you’d not be too overly devastated either. Mum and Dad, I frankly couldn’t give a damn how you feel about me dying. I’m not going into details about what you might or might possibly not think. You don’t care that I’m alive, you don’t care that I’m trying to find peace. You’ll only care when I’m dead because you realise that you’ve been very fucking wrong and didn’t want to admit it to your ugly daughter’s face when she was alive. Some people don’t think I’m ugly, and I think I’m not that ugly. But just to let you know, you’re cowards for not admitting that you hate me, you think that because I’m dead you can suddenly start being truthful about me, or starting the admissions that you should have done when I was still alive. But I understand, it was too hard for you. As for the rest of the family and a couple friends, there’s two people in my family, and two friends, a third now dead sadly, who I don’t want to let down. The rest of them I couldn’t care a hoot for. I feel sorry for the couple of family members and friends who don’t deserve to see me gone. Everyone else can stick it out because that’s what they expected of me.
*****
Let’s hope Ij’ll never need this suicide note, but I’ve made one just in case, liike you lock a door at night to prevent a robbery that may never happen anyway.
2 comments
It seems bitter and angry. It would be painful for a parent to read.
It certainly is a bitter one. My parents only cared about the pain I apparently caused them, they didn’t care about my pain. So I’ve disowned both of them, hopefully I won’t need to kill myself. This isn’t the only reawson I’d commit suicide.
And, to prove that going to hospital won’t stop me from killing myself one day if ever I get the chance, I know someone who committed suicide even though they were on suicide watch! The person convinced his doctors that he’d go home and start taking his medication. But sectetly he was planning his own death. So he left hospital and killed himself while everyone was unsuspecting.