I really need some help, advice or just comforting words right now, 4 weeks ago i attempted a suicide attempt as a result my two children have been placed into custody of there father and his new partner. I want to clarify that the attempt was not made in the precence of my kids and i have never ever done anything to hurt my children. They are my life they are my reason for living, they are the reason i got threw every day. Not being able to tuck them in every night and kiss them goodnight is literally killing me. My days have no purpose anymore and i find myself thinking maybe it would have been better if the attempt had of worked because the pain im feeling now is almost unbareable. Iam not a bad mother i have been a single parent for the last 4 years and everything i have done since then has been for them, i need them in my life. I cant contemplate another day waking up for without them. I miss there little faces the sound of their laughs even the sound of them fighting over a toy.
10 comments
Hi Shelly,
I understand your pain but to overcome your troubles and get your kids back you need to find the root of your depression and overcome that. You had custody of your kids when you made the attempt so what other issues are troubling you ???
Brian
Hello Shelly,
I can not say I understand your pain. Because I have not been in your spot… I am a parent and I am the type person that mentally blocks out thoughts are so painful to comprehend…. such as yours.
I feel for you. Sincerely I do. I do not want to be too personal or make you uncomfortable or embarassed. But it may help us offer advice if we understood why you lost custody of your kids? I guess whatever you want to share.
Either way – you are in my prayers.
Signed,
Useless Me
The courts will likely side with your ex-husband and his new partner, because it is more of a stable environment for your children. After a suicide attempt, it will be tricky to regain custody of them, because the judge will wonder if you will attempt again? Do you have visitation days with your kids?
Of course you miss your children. My ex-wife took mine when they were just nine and eleven, and when they left, I cried myself to sleep for the first time since childhood. Worse still, I didn’t even fight. I just let them go. That choice is one of the things that can make me think of dying even today.
I did learn that my children were my primary purpose in life, but they aren’t my only purpose. It’s going to be hard to see that now, and I probably would have screamed at anyone who told me that at the time. But it’s true. You are a whole person, not just a mother.
You’ll probably be able to see your kids again, and that will help. Courts are very unwilling to deny visitation rights. I can’t say if you’ll ever have primary custody again. But I can say that it won’t happen unless you get the help you need. Think of treatment as your gateway to your kids, and get it now.
I’m sorry for what has happened … but i’m sure you understand, you didn’t spill milk or get in a minor fender bender … you tried to kill yourself DESPITE having custody of your children – why weren’t they your “life and reason for living” when you chose to attempt?
I’m sorry this sounds harsh – but it’s fact – and as if to prove the point, you’re not concerned with how to get them back or how to get as much visitation as possible, but you’re primary concern is “i wish it would have worked” and how it’s YOUR pain that is most important!
i do not believe that you are a “bad parent” – but i do believe your priorities are screwed up and misplaced – my dogs are my reason to live … so as long as i’m able to adequately care for them – i would not make an attempt … ONLY when i cannot give them what they need would i consider an attempt.
so your priority should be – how do you get your kids back, or how to you gain as much visitation to remain a relevant factor in their lives as possible.
You made a mistake – we all do that from time to time – how you rebound and respond determines our character – prove that your kids are your reason to live and that it’s just not possible for anything to EVER take you away from them again – ever.
you can make the most out of every opportunity no matter how rare, or you can wallow in self centered misery that you you don’t get enough opportunities – that’s your choice – one proves that your kids really are your reason to live – the other proves you’re more concerned with yourself … and to say “i never hurt my kids” – really? you don’t think that them having to have their lies totally turned upside down to be moved to another home and finding out that ‘mom almost died” doesn’t hurt?
of course it does – now go prove that no matter what happens – they are yours and every minute with them is cherished by you that you will persevere through the depths of hell JUST for that moment with them
you CAN do this
parental dawg
I have had the experience of a family member attempting suicide and the resulting impact to the family. Its been 30 years and we still haven’t healed
We are by nature self centred, by this I don’t mean selfish but that what we experience is only and can only be, experienced though our experience of our ‘self’. Feelings, thoughts, hopes, even love belong to and are about the self that is feeling, thinking, hoping and loving. The love we experience from another if filtered and experienced through the love with in our self.
As children we experience the world as cause and effect, everything experienced is caused by something the child did, or because of who they are. My parents aren’t happy because I am failing somehow, failing I must be bad, my fault. I mean by this ownership.
Your post expresses a great deal of need
– They are my life
– They are my reason for living,
– They are the reason I got through every day.
– My days have no purpose
Need of the other, combined with some vague concept as “purpose†a need for purpose.
This is a lot of responsibility to unintentionally project onto others. A responsibility they are unlikely be able to carry well – They are my life… a life you do not want…
There is a saying – “the sins of the father shell be visited upon the sons†– Sin here meaning to ‘miss the target’, to get trapped in attitudes or way of being that get in the way of becoming. It can take three generations to overcome attitudes that are unhelpful and keep us from experiencing our life as our life.
This is our curse and blessing!
The best gift anyone can give their children is to take ownership of and work on their own wounds, those attitudes and ways of being that get in the way.
Life is paradox; in healing yourself you also heal those around you, and that is the only way one person helps another! What could be more purposeful!
I am not a fan of the current “purpose driven life†attitude. Too often I think we allow purpose to be defined by others and feel that it has to be this “great thing†and being great acknowledged in some way.
Life is the experience of our awareness. Our awareness is filtered by our attitudes and way of being. Awareness of our attitudes and way of being allows us to better respond to our experiences instead of reacting to them. Responding we become more authentic, and authentic more able to be present to others.
Purpose with this view is awareness, an awareness where when we know better we do better, and try again – what could be more purposeful then that! A purpose no longer attached to outcomes, expectations, or false judgments – here we are free.
I can feel the love you have to give… If you are able find a professional to help you work out a strategy for expressing that love.
“Life is paradox; in healing yourself you also heal those around you, and that is the only way one person helps another! What could be more purposeful!”
that, is genius – ever notice that in order to get a loan from a bank, you basically need to prove you don’t need the money? … similarly when we need help the most, we have to prove we don’t actually need help – when we feel most alone – we need to prove we’re happy that way and that we don’t need anyone – and people will be drawn to us in droves … understand – it’s only the appearance that we don’t have need, that we have strength – not the actual and practicality of whether we can really get by without – clearly we cannot … no one goes to a bank to borrow money they don’t actually need in all practicality … it’s a kabuki dance – you show a false face in order to get people to recognize the true face
anyway – not sure how relevant that is to this particular post – but i wanted to write that down and put it “out there” for consideration.
tangent dawg
“How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.†-Niels Bohr
“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.†– Mahatma Gandhi
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.†– Rita Mae Brown
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?†– George Carlin
Osho – Life is a paradox; paradox in its nature. It is not strange. But you are so addicted to logic that whenever life reveals itself to you, it looks strange. Reason has been continuously taught to you — that contradictory things cannot exist together. Reason has been teaching you that either it is day or it is night; either it is life or it is death, either it is happiness or it is unhappiness. The whole mechanism of reasons logic is of ‘either-or’.
And is both together.
Life is all together. Whenever you reach to the deepest sadness, suddenly you will see it is turning into happiness. Or, you reach to the deepest happiness and you will see that it is turning into sadness. At the centre they meet; only on the periphery are they separate.
All paradoxes meet within you; all paradoxes meet in existence. Only on the periphery of the mind are they separate. Deep in you, life and death are both one. Deep in you, happiness and unhappiness are both one. Deep in you, God and the devil are both you. Deep in you, this world and the other are both one, this shore and the other shore are both one.
But whenever you come for the first time to that point of realization, it looks strange, unfamiliar. But I tell you, if you are really happy, tears will come. It is impossible if the happiness has gone really deep — it cannot be without tears. Of course, the quality of those tears is absolutely different. It is not of sadness; it is of overflow.
And remember, if you have not known sadness together with happiness you have not known anything yet. Then your happiness is superficial; your sadness is also superficial. Then you have been living on the surface; then you have known only the waves; you have not known the depth of the ocean that you are.
Life is paradoxical. It has to be so, because only then can it be so rich. If your happiness cannot cry and weep, it will be shallow, it cannot be rich. And if your tears cannot laugh, and if your sadness cannot dance, then it is superficial. In the depth, the sadness becomes a song — a tremendous beauty of silence surrounds you, and a song is born out of the depth.
If you look into it, you will find you are not sad. The sadness is there, the happiness is there, and you are neither. This is the innermost triangle of existence; this is the point of transcendence where opposites meet. You immediately transcend. You become the third, immediately. When you see happiness and sadness meeting, suddenly you are separate from both; all identity is broken. Then you know you are a witness. Now it is for you to be identified — either, if you want, you can be identified with sadness or you can be identified with happiness. When you are identified with happiness, sadness is suppressed; when you are identified with sadness, happiness is suppressed — but both are two aspects of the same coin; and you are the master. The coin is in your hand; you are not the coin at all.
Source – Osho Book “Come Follow to You, Vol3”
shelly16,
well that’s a real problem! ofcurse you woundn’t hurt them but you should you would leave them, kinda harsh sorry,you made a mistake but it was a doosey, in order to get those kids back you have to really turn yourself around and come up with a reason that made you feel that way like the meds made you do it or something and prove you have change it and it won’t happen again. in the mean time what you did was not a very good thing you need help. sorry but thats where you at. your in for a fight.
I don’t mean to sound bad but maybe you should have thought about that when you tried to die. I live alone because that’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. But my point is I have a labrador retriever who keeps me here. I could have died at any time but when I think of my dog I stay alive, even if he’s the only one keeping me here. Dogs aren’t kids necessarily, but if kids are your life, you probably should have thought about that when you had planned your suicide attempt so ti would have been less likely to happen.